The year of 2016. I feel like I've covered ground this year that will matter to me for the rest of my life. I can't really organize it all, and I don't really know if I want to- in a journal entry, that is. I don't know that anything this year would have mattered to me very much, until... maybe May or June. I was just drifting, pretty much. Of course the, time to put an end to that is coming soon. But, anyway. I guess a very broad generalization of what set me in motion, would be this- furthering the current project of my life, revisiting projects that have been dormant in me for years (since I was a young child, because at this moment, I am only a young man) and uncovering a strong inspiration, a spiritual fuel that will take me on to new projects. The current project is my novel, "Burning One". Or maybe "Spirit of Fire", I'm torn between those names. The projects of the past, built on some of my most sacred inspirations since I can remember, are Phobia- a story I started writing two or three years ago, which came to be over 200 pages long, before I had to stop writing altogether, due to being too inexperienced as a writer to be able to take it further- and a string of ideas linked to an expansive story that I created for my "brother" Matt, years ago. I made the story for him on a video game called Halo, using Halo's level building feature to make areas for the story. We did that off and on for years, and I think those nights were the roots of myself as an artist. It was known as "Brute Strength", back then. I wanted to have a family of four, three brothers and one sister, who were all incredibly strong. I got that idea from Pokemon Ranger, the first game. There's a group of four villains, and I think they're related... anyway, Matt was an assassin, and killed their father. Nothing too special, I realize. I was a kid, though, so it's fine. Anyway, those stories still matter to me, on some level. Not as they were, of course. I may never touch the expanse of those ideas, and only write the end of them. But, playing that game was a strange experience- it was like storytelling, but also a complex communication between Matt and I. Shame that Matt turned out to be human trash. But I would like to do something based on that- show the degradation and ultimate fate of his character, exaggerating the real life circumstances, and pumped full of fantasy and whatnot. I've spent hours and hours at night rewriting old ideas, taking them from empty husks and turning them into paragraphs upon paragraphs, upon paragraphs of rebuilt material (damn good rebuilt material, I might add) and new material as well (damn good new material). The themes in Brute Strength really are very important to me, and a great deal of myself, as a storyteller, I think. But anyway...
Phobia... I had such an idea of what I wanted it to be, and I could never make it like that, as I was. I suppose maybe saying all this might be no good for me in the future... maybe I need to be more specific with my ideas. These entries are for me, now- I used to write them and hope people would read, but I forget why. Now I just write them as notes to self. For instance, I wanted this one to sum up this year so far. A lot of good stuff has happened this year, I feel. Anyway, Phobia may be *totally* revamped. I've thought of new ideas that will change the story as I know it.
And, perhaps there's only been one great source of inspiration. But whether or not that's true- the source was Undertale.
Ah well. I wanted to say so much more. I guess I'm just too unfocused. I'm pretty tired, anyway... maybe I'll try again later some other time
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