Everyone tells me to cut you out, yet I can't stop thinking of how you've changed. How your voice, once warm and loving, full of thoughtful, cheerful utterances turned stone cold, a mere emotionless expression of pure ignorance to my existence. How your arms, once wrapped 'round me, embracing me with affection, have transformed to instruments to express your displeasure, crossed at your chest, showing me neither appreciation nor compassion. Your lips; they used to be slightly curved upward at the edges, smiling ever so slightly. Now, they are flat, dead, and impassive. Your eyes, once two pools of glistening blue, have lost all life. You've changed.
No matter how hard I try to cope with the fact that I've lost you, the truth is, I'll probably never get over it. Try as I might, the influence on me that you've left behind is strong. I'm far too attached and I still lay awake at night, agonizing in the simple truth that I was never good enough. I can make up excuses all I want, saying the same regurgitated s**t that I've been telling myself since the day you said goodbye. The simple truth is this: I was never, and, for that matter, will never be good enough for you. I tried my hardest, but one's best can sometimes never be sufficient, and my biggest regret is that this is the case. I will never get over that.
Bearing witness to the sight of another man with you is excruciating. Knowing that he has someone as extraordinary, as remarkable as you are, is devastating. He doesn't have to think about adhering to your idea of perfection, because he doesn't need to. He doesn't have to worry about losing you, for he's everything you've ever wanted. He kisses without even questioning whether or not it was magical, because he doesn't need to. Your arms entwine each other, your fingers locked together in a display of affection. Seeing you together is unbearable.
But you've moved on; no longer do you think of me. No longer am I the one your gleaming eyes focus on like there's no one left on Earth. No longer am I the one whose arms wrap around you, holding you like you and I are the only two things in this world that matter, and that kills me.
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