I always said how I'd be here forever, and how I'd always be there for the people I care about. I've made plenty of mistakes, I am in no means pretending I didn't. But most people do too. Nobody is perfect, and I have felt for a very long time that people have expected me to be perfect.
Recently, I was diagnosed with both autism and mild PTSD, the latter being the result of my childhood upbringing. For this reason the government now takes care of me, because I am mentally incapable of surviving on my own.
To all the people on this site throughout the years who have had to put up with my mental break downs, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't stop it and I'm sorry I couldn't get better. People always thought I was able to get better but I'm not and I feel that these people finally realize this and have given up.
I'm sorry we are now incapable of interacting with one another as friends, and I'm sorry I tried to in the first place as it was just a big waste of time for all of us involved. I'm sorry you felt so utterly disgusted by me that you couldn't tell me to my face why we could no longer be friends and instead fled me like I was some sort of crazed psychopath, and not allowing us to say any form of final goodwishes. I'm sorry that my possessiveness and emotional instability made it so that you felt driven to sever our ties this way.
Finally, I'm sorry to all the people I made promises to but could never hope to keep. I've let down a lot of people and I continue to loose sleep over it. I've resigned to the fact that making friends is an impossible thing for me to do, and that being any form of a leader is even more impossible.
I'd like to say that despite how I pretended to act online, I'm neither strong nor intelligent. This is a mask I used to pretend to be confident and I hoped that it would work, but in the end it just ended up making people think I was controlling and violent which was not my intent. In reality I am very small, timid, and afraid. More so than a lot of people.
In closing, I'm sorry for everything, for hurting everyone, and I'm sorry for writing this up as I feel anyone who has the misfortune to read this stupid message will likely feel multiple braincells rapidly dying at my own pathetic mentality.
As long as I'm not dead, I'll still be around if you know where to find me online. Perhaps. But I no longer wish for this life to continue. Pray I do not reconsider my suicide.
Tirac/Lord Tirac/Tirry/Pip/whatever stupid name I'm calling myself now.