Today is better than yesterday in terms of how I'm dealing with the day. It's helping hearing all the professors say that these are their final lectures. I did hear an interesting lecture from the class where I heard from that sex trafficking survivor. I heard that Halliburton is trafficking human laborers from Myanmar, Indonesia, and other countries to work for little wage in US army stations under the guise that these people need to pay off a plane trip from where they were told they will work (some country where they were promised a hotel job) after they were forced to stay on the plane while Halliburton relocated them to Iraq. Here's the catch though, the wages they pay these people are calculated so that the "plane ticket" is never paid off. Backtrack a bit and you will find that the Congress accepted Halliburton as the provider of laborers at army stations in a no contest selection where, for some reason, the Congress accepted the reasoning that only Halliburton was capable of completing such work. The whole point of creating a market where there is competition, and therefore contest, is to prevent corruption like this. There was more talk about widespread wage slavery in other countries relying on children to mine for necessary computer components, textile mills, and agrarian servitude in more than just the USA with Mexican immigrants (none of these other things come as a surprise to me because I was already aware). Anyway, my mind went to how I recommended "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl to JP before he got deployed. I wanted him to look at it because it underlines how life looked in concentration camps and what the importance of maintaining your humanity and using your ingenuity to survive means. I think JP is capable but I don't think he is immune to being taken captive. I don't expect him to think of me at all during his service but I would hope that he remembers the book (he said he read excerpts before but not the entire thing). I also had a strong daydream of what I would do if he was captured: how I would buy a decent small copter that would drop a rover capable of dispensing gunfire so I could plunder into the foxholes that terrorists choose to hide in (this, of course, expanded into thoughts of how I can appear there with a graphene suit-impenetrable to machine guns-and physically rescue him but this one is sillier). It has started, by the way: I saw news of how a US drone bombed a terrorist holding building where an American hostage was kept and I just had to check whether it was JP's name or not. I know it was stupid because I doubt his deployment was so quick that he got out there and already managed to get caught (and the media got a whiff of it) but it's a weird concern that exists nonetheless. Anyway, I wouldn't expect him to come out of service without finding a woman there that he learns to love, that's another reason I wouldn't expect him to think of me. I do think of him though. I am concerned. I know I've ever loved him more than he even began to love me and so I hope that I manage to move on. After all, he has cast me aside in his other message and even though he has done so multiple times in previous messages, I really am tired of going around on that carousel. I'm going to settle until he comes back 9 months later. I'll use this time to focus on myself. Because I will be searching for a job by then, I will be alone and ready to move on if he chooses not to contact me. I'm not ready to say that I won't. I find that I always send him a message if I flat out deny that I will talk to him again so I won't.
3rd Rock from the Sun is having one of their main characters, Harry, date a bodybuilder chick named Janice. Janice has a soft voice and is weirdly feminine despite her appearance. I rather feel like her being that way is a lie and her way of overcompensating for the way society expects her to behave in return for her bodybuilding which she is doing for herself. I know women like her actually exist in this world. I could be omitting a better explanation for who she is. I questioned whether I would date a woman that much larger than me; I really don't know. That physique was attractive on JP but the women that were larger than me in real life often used their size to bother me (younger sister is actually larger than me and so is my mom) I guess I shouldn't presume what would happen. Maybe it would be attractive, I'm not sure. In my mind, I would actually like a woman to have about the same proportions as me including height. I could just be talking like I'm an inexperienced dater.
Le Visage Inconnu
· Fri Apr 24, 2015 @ 12:36am · 0 Comments