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dirty secrets
a place to spew my day to day rambling
conflicting emotions
Have you ever felt excited in regards to one person, miserable and sad in regards to another, and generally happy with everyone else, all at the same time?

I feel pretty blue about an odd and sudden change in a friendship with my friend Tim. I want to say hi and chat because I super enjoy his company and he ignores my attempts. Do I take the hint and shut off my ******** factor (which is impossible to turn back on) or do I assume that I am over thinking things again(happens often) and persist as if nothing feels wrong?

At the same time, I reconnected with my old best friend Mike, and I lovelovelove my bff. Also some guy Irl makes me feel excited and nervous and unsure. I hope he likes me; all signs point to ... maybe? maybe not? -sigh- it's better than nothing at all smilies/icon_smile.gif

Everyone else makes me feel accepted and happy and loved and normal range emotions. (this sounds like an unimportant footnote but it's the most important part, this is what makes me happy or sad in general) <3 u guys

12-23-14 edit,
The native guy I was in severe crush mode over wasn't interested in me like thaaat, but once I stopped being a dramatic girl about it, we make pretty okay casual friends. I moved on very shortly after writing that and started a relationship with a redhead. He introduced me to Fetlife.com and I've found my niche. I love my new irl crazy kinky friends.

The Tim friend turned out to be unsteady. Pursuing a close friendship with him would result in much drama.

I met a couple that have an open relationship. .. This concept fascinates me. Now my hunny and I are trying this out and thusfar ... I think I really only enjoy the freedom to flirt because I have yet to hook up with anyone else. Perhaps it is only the being forbidden to play with others that makes it so desirable. Very fun, very happy, I will never go back to being stuck in monogamous relationships.

How It works. I love my guy and spend as much time as physically possible with him. I can flirt with other guys all I want. If I decide I want to do more with one of them, I discuss it with my boyfriend and obtain consent. If he even seems uncomfortable with it, I'd rather do without than ever hurt him. Same goes for him. It's really very lovely because there's no lies, no deceit, no fear of lies, no unfulfillable fantasies, and no ignored urges. He has a concern that I might leave him for a playtoy. I have a concern that I don't know what sort of jealousy might arise in me if he plays with a toy. For now, I think it will all be just fine but Ive had a past experience that when push came to shove, I got very unhappy. Will see. As for his concern, I'm not sure how to soothe it. "the grass is always greener on the other side" But Ive never seen grass as green as this grass I have on my side of the fence. I am super content with it and even if upgrades were available, it would be silly to throw away something I am happy with for a gamble. I love that a guy friend of mine from gaia said that to me once in regards to relationships versus cheating.





 
 
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