some betweens are very uncomfortable. like being between two smelly people on a long flight.
right now i'm in between two things. staying in Korea or leaving Korea.
i've been trying to tell myself the positives of either situation - staying I have a job, going I have friends and family I miss.
these are all true.
but i haven't allowed myself to mourn over the things i'll miss. or am missing.
you see - to live in another country means you're always missing something or someone.
leaving Korea - my home for the last two years - i'll miss speaking Korean every day. eating kimchi. and other delicious Korean foods. i'll miss seeing my students and co teachers. i'll miss the overly helpful sales staff and brightly lit displays (all very organized and clean) and all the interesting interactions with Koreans.
and now - i have to admit i'll miss Seoul trips and fan signings and possible concerts and the things i wanted to do, but didn't do them for the excuses i made. (silly me)
i mean.. i miss my family, friends, familiar things, pumpkin spice everything, Christmas swag, the stupid fight over Thanksgiving and Christmas (i'm laughing so hard at ya'll right now - you don't even know),
and let me tell you - the fear of turning 30 (korean age) without a husband or boyfriend --- that's not an easy thing.
i've been told these stories of how it's better to have kids while you're young. because you'll be more tired later, and because all your friends' kids will be graduating and leaving their houses - and your friends will all be calling you to go out with them - only you can't because your kid is still in like elementary school.
i often think about Korean men and the way they're raised - and how i probably don't want to marry one. (sure they know how to clean, but they expect the woman to manage finances and run the household. men go to work and clean the bathroom. if you're lucky. and that's it.)
Anyway, suffice it all to say that staying here - I worry I'll miss out on that.
(all my friends back home with babies -- you're really not helping me. it hurts.)
But anyway. Last night I looked into the faces of CUTENESS and suddenly i don't want to leave Korea again.
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