Understanding my Feelings
today i cudnt do anything really cuz my kidneys hurt like hell. ive been in bed all week and just playing ff9 to past the time since my wii u is at my dorm. i was calm yes, but then my emotions went nutso wen my family came home from comicon with bad news. Gertrude died. the cow i raised from a newborn gone forever now. i had just seen her yesturday. she came to me as she always did, licked my hand and nudged me to pet her and of course i did. nothing seemed off with her. finding out that she had died today has made my world come to a crashing hault. my problem is wen im upset about a lost in the family be it human or animal, it takes an awful long time for me to calm down and let it go. it took me 5 years to get over the death of lily my horse who really was my only friend. my dad tried to talk to me and yes i did snap at him but it was not intentional. he gave me the autographs from the star trek crew from comicon today and i started to feel better. just as i went to thank him and show my mother im doing alil better, she called me a witch. i told her my reasoning for being upset and of course because gertrude isnt human i shud get over it already since everyone else has. u see none of my babies are "pets" to me. they are my family. my children, for i raise them and they see and believe that i am their mother.it feels like wen lily died... all i ever heard was "its just a horse".... no one ever seems to care wen i lose one of my babies... i guess no one ever will...
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