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Operation Impending Doom
Still spinning from the 180 Caleb has done.
Before we left for the baby shower,
Margaret and I were doing our best to keep my spirits up with a very awkward situation Caleb and I were in.
He could not have said much more to make me totally uncomfortable going to do our baby registry for the baby shower, and just down right rude/mean.
I almost cried.
I decided that I was taking my car just in case Kaydence went downhill in the middle of Target I could leave and get her to bed.
And to be extremely honest, I did not want Kaydence around his attitude and the way he was being towards me.
Margaret rode with us while Caleb and his father Richard took a different vehicle.
I do not know what was talked about,
but I do know he did a 180 from the time we left the house until we got to Target.
He started walking close to me after not wanting to be near me the past week.
I was actually just getting use to being by myself with Kaydence and being ok with it again.
Then he started touching my belly the more we scanned.
It was like it brought everything to life.
Like he realized this is not about us and our feelings, this was about the baby and a family.
He held me all night when we got home and after Kaydence went to sleep.
It was nice, but at sometimes a little much.
I woke up yesterday morning to some very sweet texts.
And requests for a picture of my beautiful face.
Its just a bit much after everything that was said.
All he was worried about before that was putting the blame on someone,
and figuring out if I was breaking up with him.
My car died on me after meeting up with him for lunch that he requested.
It wasn't bad but I did have to apologize.
I felt I was being rude.
He kept being overly sweet,
it was nice but I just can't bring myself to make out with someone that just put me through an emotional hell when I needed him most.
After everything he had said and done in the past week and then out of no where I am suppose to pretend like I still don't hurt from it.
I am emotionally bleeding.
It actually made my trust for him decrease even more just because of how fake everything felt.
I understand making me feel comfortable while I am pregnant for the baby,
but it is like I can see him just playing the same part he did when we first got together.
But it started feeling more like he was trying to seduce me, rather than comfort me as the day went on.
I had to wait until he got home from work to go get Zeke's medicine.
I knew I should have just taken Kaydence myself,
but he really acted like he wanted to come with him, still continuously touching me more and more and kissing me, if there is a such thing as overly romantic, this was it.
And he doesn't stop when Kaydence is in the room which really hits a special spot in my gut that makes me want to throw him as far as I can from me and makes him look like an a** in my eyes.
Kaydence was in the back seat, and the THIRD time his pinky grazed my c**t in the car, I shoved his hands from my lap and crossed my legs.
This made me realize how this was not to comfort me this entire time.
This is because he wants sex and he's slowly trying to get it.
He continued this all night.
I had to take his hands off my boobs and its been less than 30 hours since he did what he could to make me uncomfortable.
Apparently this morning when he was leaving for work, he kissed me and I woke up asking him to stop being so sexual.
I didnt even realize I had done that until he told me just a few minutes ago when he called me on his break.
It just seems like for him sex makes everything better,
for me it makes it worse.
I don't really see myself wanting sex with him for a while, and when I just told him this, he seemed extremely disappointed.
If he wanted to comfort me, why would he ignore all my signs of uncomfortable?
Im just going to keep being quiet and see how this goes with him for the next few days.
And ignore every time he asks if I have been talking to Kaydence's father. [You couldn't pay me to be with him again.]
Everything is starting to become more overwhelming again.
And I really don't know how to handle it.

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