Nearly every day I find myself wishing that I didn’t become so successful, that I didn’t have such a great reputation to keep, and that I wasn’t a leader in a role model position, just so I could relapse again. On most days this craving is very minor, a brief footnote of a feeling. But on other days the urge dominates my thoughts, becoming almost unbearable. Every single aspect within me knows that’s a very stupid thing to wish, aspiring to give up everything you’ve worked towards just for a poor excuse of a temporary, feel-good, euphoric fix. But that’s the way addicts work.
“Just one more time.”
We say that, but it’s never actually the case. There are no exceptions. There is no such thing as “just one more time.” There is only an open door, an ugly opportunity, that will spiral out of control too quickly.
I’m not going to act on this impulse because I know of all the consequences that could potentially follow, and in the end it wouldn’t be worth it.
But I guess I’ve just had a lot on my mind.
· Sun Apr 10, 2016 @ 04:51am · 0 Comments