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If I were to choose
between killing every single person I ever hated
and talking to you over a cup of coffee
I'd choose the latter
and not just because I like coffee
The way you talk about how much
you want to snap her neck,
shoot his head off,
or break every bone in his body
reminds me so much about myself
(It also makes me want to go kill the people with you)
The way you laugh
every time I tell a terrible joke
makes me feel all tingly inside
(I wonder if I'll explode)
The way you talk about your hatred for cats
makes me want to grab a kitchen knife
and murder a great amount of felines with you
(And hear them screech as we do terrible things)
The way you talk about suicide and your views on it
makes me think, "Don't kill yourself."
Because you're the only person who ever agreed with me
completely, on that matter
(Suicide is a no-no, but I want to anyway)
You know, it's amazing how much we're alike
From our violent tendencies
to the fact that we bite our nails off
before they can even grow

We're kindred spirits
We're apples that were thrown
into a box of oranges
We never fit in right
but I bet our hands fit together perfectly,
right down to our fingertips
We're guns that have backfired
definitely more than once
If you're a gun,
then you've fired a bullet
that's hit me right in the heart
(That's so f*cking cheesy,
but I'm not sorry)
The next person who calls you stupid
Is getting shot in the heart as well
Except literally
I'm serious *reloads shotgun*
We're psychological wrecks
So the next time I go to my psychologist,
you're coming with me
We'd be so cheesy and creepy at the same time
that the psychologist is gonna have to confiscate our guns
while laughing at how sweet we both are
We're, simply put, crazy as f*ck
And we're awesome like that
Just because

You're the type of guy
who would take a bow
after setting a house on fire
as I clap wildly in the background
You're the type of guy
who I'd get pissed at
for buying a ton of bananas
and claiming that your spirit fruit told you to
But then we'd just laugh and make banana split
without the ice cream
Remember when I said that the guy
I'd end up with had to be f*cking cool?
Well, you're icier than this frozen dessert
so that has to mean something, right?
(Then you'd yell at me for the pun)
You're the type of guy
that makes me want to forget everything
Just so I could get to know you all over again
because the second you decided
to allow me into your circle of friends
was the same time I fell
head over f*cking heels for you
We'd drink all night
Then the next day,
we wouldn't know sh*t about each other
You'd tell me about your past
I'd tell you about mine
And I'd have to trip over you all over again
while my friends cheer and/or laugh at me in the background

Psychopaths click
And I certainly hope that we do