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I am so tired. Bone weary, Dont want to get up tired. Or is that depression?
I am mommy. Who is April? Does she exist? Yes, she exists for not doing enough. She exists when she is lazy. She exists when favors can be asked for. She exists when sex is in the cards. She exists when the husband takes the baby and she gets a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Her hobbies? Her wants? Her needs? No, she does not exist. She is mommy. Her time is with baby. Baby who needs her. Baby dosent need April who has needs as well. Baby needs mommy. Mommy who is strong, who can ease fears, who loves her more than life itself. April is selfish. She wants to much. Mommy needs to squash April, April dosent exist. Just. Mommy. Only Mommy. No time for games, no time for diamond art, no time alone.

Baby needs mommy. Baby does not need April. Does anyone? Is April needed? Wanted? Somedays I dont know.