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Half of the time when I write in this journal I'm venting. Please don't think I'm a brat when I complain about the most trivial s**t..
Hey! I'm posting in here again! I have some serious gushing to do... I feel like.

Currenty listening to: Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus TELEVISOR REMIX

I'm not fond of Miley but this is awesome!

Okay, well... I want to change a lot of things in my life right now.

I want a completely new beginning. I want a new look, a new outlook, a new vibe, new hobbies, new people to surround myself with, a new environment, new goals... a new direction! Everything is so... stagnant, bland, and mundane.. Every day feels like.. a bunch of.. white noise!

I used to be so excited all the time, so alive. Everything was so magical! I know I can get the magic back and make it stay, because I've been feeling it again. I just need to get myself in the right place...

I want to change so many things. Number one right now is my HAIRSTYLE! I want something cool, something awesome!!! Soooo badly. Number two is my wardrobe emotion_smilies/icon_awesomeface.gif I want to be in all black, all the time.. seriously I love the color black so much!

Now listening to : Positive Vibrations - Bob Marley.

And with school, every day is such a drag.. I'm not motivated to do my best because my classes don't interest me. My philosophy class is the most boring thing ever... My history class gets derailed every two seconds... My international relations class is just a muddled mess of confusion that becomes clear ever so often but all lucidity is lost just a moment later....And my french class is just TOO LONG smilies/icon_crying.gif

I hope my attitude changes as the semester progresses..

I also want to become more knowledgeable. I want to get into reading books. Books that interest me, of course. All of my life I've had a bad attitude towards reading because everything was so.. so... forced! Not only at school, even at home.. I was always forced to read books I didn't like/weren't interested in. And any book I did like, my mom always found a reason to take it away from me. Like for example, I really liked the Captain Underpants books while I was growing up, but she took those away because she didn't like the potty humor. smilies/icon_rofl.gif

And I was reading another book I liked in my little pre-teeny years.. She took that away too because of a bra mention? Somebody touched somebody's bra? Big whoop!

A lot of times... these days, I find myself looking back at it all. How I grew up (i still have growing to do, maybe even more than the average person should at my age), what i've done.. what I haven't done. I wish I were able to enjoy more things.

But... it's in the past now. I'm not going to ignore it and put it behind me completely, but I want to be able to detach from the past and live for myself now.

I'm still paying my dues for all the wrong I've done. I know I haven't gotten my full dish of retribution.

I want to focus on what's truly important. I get so distracted, I'm always straying away from the prize I'm supposed to keep my eyes on! smilies/icon_gonk.gif

Bleh. I want to improve so much intro-personally (is that even the word? ugh) as well. I used to be better at handling my relationships with family and friends. So much better.

I don't want my teenage years to be my peak. I want to get better. I know I can. I just have to focus.

Whenever I meditate or pray everything is put in the right perspective. I want to be able to put aside time.. three times a day... so I can put everything in perspective again.

I'm so happy to be here on this beautiful planet. I'm happy.. to find these beautiful people. There's a lot of beauty in this world. In this universe. But sadly, people have made things ugly for others.

I know in the end. We'll all will have gotten what we deserve. Everything will be clear. We'll see the compelte truth. The one true truth. Because we all have our own truths, right?

May God bless all of us! Each and every one! Soli Deo Gloria! May everybody who's good and beautiful... find happiness.

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