Well its definitely been a while since my last entry. Life has suddenly gotten so hectic and busy all of a sudden. A lot has actually happened in the last week and a half or however long I've been out of this. Finally can drive so I guess now I can check that off the list now. I have been bad with my eating habits though. Really bad. Though I didn't lose much weight anyways but I should really get back on that. The boyfriend and I have been having our ups and downs but mostly we have figured out things to do together. Except it feels like its slowing down and I don't know what to do.
Yesterday I upset him somehow and even if I ask he won't tell me why. Says something about having to think about life. I just want to know what I did wrong. I feel like I hurt him in some way. I didn't mean to and I wish, I really, really wish I knew. The voices in my head are talking to me again. The ones that only come when I have anxiety. I wish we could be together so he can make them all go away. He always knows how to comfort me in these kinds of times. I feel like he is pushing me away and I wanna grab ahold of him but I don't think I'm able to if I made him feel that way.
Work has been killing me as well. So many hours and not even any time for myself nowadays. I feel like I'm drowning and I can't breathe. At times like these I really wish I had a cat cause at least I'd have someone with me. I'm wishing for some sort of breather from all this. I wish I knew all the answers to my problems. I wish there could be a way that I could just fix it all, but thats all wishful thinking. What do I do? Why does adulting have to be so hard. At least one trouble has been washed away today. Not like it really bothered me as much as other things anyways.
I really need to adjust back to eating good again. I need to firmly tell myself no you can't have this or you need to do this. It just seems like we were meant to just work and die after a certain point in life. Enjoy the kiddie years cause after that it's all downhill. There is no going back. Take whatever may come. Face all the hardships straight on. I wish that I had my rock of support next to me. Its all just to real right now.
· Fri Oct 14, 2016 @ 08:41pm · 0 Comments