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s**t journal
it should not be this hard to simply get my foot in the door to adulthood- to do what's expected of me and go to school or find work- or s**t both. The most grown up thing I've done so far is work myself into a depressive relapse.

seems like the world around me is either majoring in college or just doesn't have to worry about jack s**t like money or feeling so utterly repulsive that they get sick just thinking about going out in public sometimes. I don't know one person in my position, so it only makes things worse and makes me feel more and more alone in a world that's moving too fast for me to catch up. Whatever. it's my problem.

I really do just feel really ******** alone now that everything's piling up and I haven't done anything with my life or anything I'm proud of and I hate myself. I really do just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up. I'm not worth the trouble I put anyone through anyway.

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