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I know I made typos, and I don't want to spend extra time to fix them.
I think that I need attention right now
I need to be self-aware, self-loving, and going towards self-actualization, instead of just sitting in place.

Just sittin' in place.

Maybe I need a moment - I am stressed.

So, this morning I figured out that I actually can't pass one of my classes, which lead to the idea of not graduating in the fall.

I also have to choose whether or not to invite my mom into my life on my birthday. My birthday is on a good date. It's not like I will be too busy to celebrate it, which she may be aware, and hurt if she is not invited, which is probably what I will do.

My uncle is also hurt, and will probably be more hurt in the geographical distancing that my brother and I will be doing. I think that he may need to try and educate himself, and become aware of how is possible stress possibly impacts his reasoning skills. I think that that will be more beneficial than trying to understand my reasoning of something that is going on in his life. I think that googling "why dislike aggressiveness, inability to react the one of the better options, blah blah blah


My uncle on my dad's side is soooo caught up in these like, Christian personal narrative stuff, and well, I have a stronger point. I commented on a article that he shared that was about how Obama is anti-Catholic because of his lack of involvement is religion-related issues.
My uncle never replies to my comment on how taking action towards religion is super controversial, especially if it is a foreign matter, which one of the two or thee examples were.

SO yeah, 4 relationships that I have no closure on, and I need to find that closure by myself, understand it by myself.

Can't avoid hurting mom, but I can lighten the blow by explaining to her my reasons why, which are me not being ready to become the main pillar of the family. Like, I am done with the s**t that they drag me through.
I am used to dealing with my mother, but she still is a heavy task to take on and cope with.
Anything that demands too much of me critically thinking is just bluuuhhhhhh *smears puke all over computer screen*.

Oh, might as well share this too. I recently made a friend over the web, and shared more personal information than I am currently comfortable with, because I haven't known this person long enough or well enough, and even though we have share personal websites that we have, I don't know what that person's full motives or desires are, and that irritates me. Like, I am just supposed to trust a person, with my everything, just like that. =________________________=

I am angry with myself for sharing so much identifiable and personal information with a stranger. A stranger that comes on strong, and my liiiike me like me, and that's another thing that puts me on edge. Why?

I have a history of being approached by people that may be sexually interested in me with an opening line of how they view my beauty, and then follow it up with what they want from me.

I think that people asking something from me puts me on edge, and I anticipate people's needs too, because that is the over-functioning-protector role that I have developed as a result of be raised by people who were so loyal to their religious/personalized beliefs that they missed out on a lot of great stuff, like broadening each-other's understanding approach to the world.

Well, I am tireed out by this talk. Maybe this right here is an affirmation to not be pillars for my mom and uncles, buuuut, that's neglect, which is exactly what they do.

Like, how does one help the other person when that person doesn't accept the advice that you give?

Basically, be a talking dog. Make em happy by being cute and silly. This kills me to write. Not really.

I rather buy them both dogs and leave it at that. It's draining to be the living wall that they talk at and expect everything to bounce off of.
It's ******** bullshit.
Bullshit with creepy crawlies and protozoans in it.

Writing my life story-
and hoping my professor doesn't read it and then only say "you need help".

Writing my life story-
and hoping my professor doesn't read it and then only say "you need help".

Last minute semester worth of important papers update
I think that I might aim to stay up til 2 working on finishing this self reflection and then hopefully gets a huuuuge chunk of my research paper done.

That'll mean that I will have
1) Yuki's paper 1/4th done. More imput probably required, unless I lie
2) My paper Complete, just needs proof-read
3) Stigma paper Lets aim for 3/4's done
4) CBT paper ____________

If I do this then I will have a little less then half of my workload done by tomorrow afternoon (less b/c I'll need to proofread).

Oy! this is a huuuge challenge for me to take up. Gotta find 10 source, but some can be BSed. Best to use the easiest to fine b/c of time restraints.

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