Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Report This Entry Subscribe to this Journal
~Dark Metal's Diary of Experiences~ Here you will see my entries, filled with days that have meant something, and possibly more..


Dark_Metal_X
Community Member
avatar
5 comments
I remember, not too long ago, who I was. Then I came to terms with my dark side, which I knew would possess me in 2006 like it did, after the summer break, and it succeeded. I've fell into it so easily, and cannot seem to escape. Each time I try, it confronts me, and draws me in again.

The things I know, that make me feel the way I do, are false, but I can't seem to ignore the thought that they can be true. However, what I end up believing draws me closer to my worst fears.

Trying to tell someone only confuses them, and nothing they say has changed my wronged views. I feel I can break free, ever since the new year has begun. But, I can't find a way out, the darkness overcomes me. Sometimes I feel nothing I can do can save me from my dark side, and makes me hate my life and the life around me.

I don't hate life deep inside, I want to live, and feel true happiness, but things only get worse as I try to find it.

I thought I had it, my life, my values, my worth.. now, I'm only drowning lower than a regular person, where I wasn't before. I had the sense of karma, and light with me, then I got crushed by my own situation.

Maybe, just maybe, it's not my fault, and it's all a bad dream. This reality of mine isn't real, and I've regained my awareness.

I lied about things, and I feel bad. I feel guilty, my family expected great things from me, and I'm only going to end up letting them down. I hope everything I have is still there, because I need to find a way out of the shadows.

My mother, threatened me with no colledge if I don't do what she's expecting from me, and that's the problem. Too many due dates, too much pressure, and I know I can do it, but there's so much on my shoulders.

As I'm typing this, I finally cry for the first time in 4 months, when I was aware that things would catch up to me like this. It happened, and it shouldn't have, but I have a feeling things will get worse if I can't find my true place.

------------------------------------------------------

One time, someone gave friendly advice on a forum, but I didn't listen. It was an occult forum. They said when they sensed me, they knew that I would only draw the darkness to me, and that I needed to stop before the negative energy consumed me.

I thought I had it, but deep inside, I knew there was always a flaw in each step. I knew I was drawing it, but I thought I had it where I wanted my dark side, away from myself. However, I always knew, if I had ever let my gaurd down, it would get me, and my dark side knew it would happen.

I am consious enough to type this, but my dark side continues to manipulate me. I need to find the strength to find my true place of happiness, where I know I can do something to break free.

I try online, by making things for fun, but it's not real..





User Comments: [5]
24monkey_lover24
Community Member
avatar
comment Commented on: Mon Jan 08, 2007 @ 04:33am
Where to start? I know how you feel, and even reading this has brought me to tears. I don't even know what your situation is, but somehow I know what you mean... I am sorry, but I don't have anything to say except keep trying to find happiness. I know it is difficult, but one day, one day you'll wake up and think "I am deeply truely happy..."


comment Commented on: Mon Jan 08, 2007 @ 12:55pm
I quit trying to find happiness. I'm deciding to let it come to me. I'm not as deppressed that way. It's okay. I cry at least once a month over my life issues when nobody is looking. Except for my most recent birthday. I cried twice. Once in the bathroom, and one I left the dinner table and cried on my bed. Just hated that day.



IanDittmar
Community Member
avatar
Merissa the Water Sprite
Community Member
avatar
comment Commented on: Mon Jan 08, 2007 @ 07:03pm
I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I can say that I have had some experience with this; in high school, it was really bad. I'm not sure what to tell you, hon, but I worked through it, and I'm sure you can, too smile . All the best to you.


comment Commented on: Tue Jan 09, 2007 @ 12:28am
Hey there... I know exactly what you mean. ^.^ And I'm here to tell you that life is what you make it... If you spend time dwelling on the urge to cry over your "Dark side" you'll never succeed and putting it behind you. You need to relax... Take a step back and look at things. It's not dark energy overcoming you... Its you giving up on yourself. I'm sure you're capable of handling anything that’s thrown your way. You've done it before. So, persevere! Revel in the fact that you can be indestructible If you wish... YOU ARE STRONG IF YOU WILL YOURSELF TO BE. scream

lmao.. Oh.. And... No offence... But the whole... Dramatic "Dark side" thing... Its kinda lame... xp



SaveTheMannequins
Community Member
avatar
FateoftheUnkown
Community Member
avatar
comment Commented on: Sun Mar 11, 2007 @ 09:40pm
Wow are you my clone? Heh just joking but in summer time when i rejoing gaia in july. I had a real bad or evil side to me. And I was sad. And i Had the same stuff you had. I know exactly what you're talking about. gonk I hated that time ,but someone cheered me up. And plus I was away from my dog and i Love my dog so it made it worse lol


User Comments: [5]
 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games

Customize your own avatar now!

Join Now

Have an account? Login Now!