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I see.
Right.
Totally understandable.
Except you have placed my hand there yourself several times.
You have told me I should try it sometime.

You were the one to ask me out.
You were the one to kiss me first.
You were the one to open-mouth kiss me first.
You were the one to let me feel your tongue first.

When I told you that you were the one to begin a lot of things in our relationship, you told me simply, that it did not matter, as long as both people agreed with what was being done.

When I asked you to tell me if I ever hurt you, you agreed, telling me I'd know when I did hurt you. You let me figure that part out pretty quick.

Now, when I took that next step, I admit; I screwed up. I did. Badly. I did get way too aggressive, and, as you simply said, disconnected. It was because I had missed you so greatly. I was honestly both missing you, and afraid you had lost your love for me. You told me that a friend had invited you for homecoming... I got reasonably mad, no? And that didn't help the feeling that I was losing you. So I lost it.

But you have to stop blaming me for taking that step. You never told me that you didn't like it. And it was natural for me to try at some point. Why didn't you simply stop me and tell me outright before I hurt you too much to care about me? In fact, if its true that you were wanting to get rid of me, why didn't you do so sooner? Why Ang? Don't you just walk away and say "I don't know"

Because you do know!
Otherwise you would have never asked me out in the first place!
Is this what I matter to you now? That you ignore me, that you berate me, that you insult me and my mistakes, AFTER YOU YOURSELF TOLD ME THAT YOU WANTED TO REMAIN A FRIEND?!

Is all I'm worth a simple "Goodbye, I wish for you to be a friend and remain in my life" and then backstab me every time I try and be one? Do you know what humility is? Do you know how much I regret what I did every day? Do you?

But no... you couldn't forgive me... you couldn't give me another chance... you couldn't look me in the eyes and tell me the absolute truth...

Tell me... tell me the truth... please...

....

Ang... listen to me very closely...
I forgive you... for everything... absolutely everything...

....

Don't tell me our friendship is a farce as well...