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I physically hurt for reasons I am yet to understand, I feel like Adyna.... or even worse, Adara. I feel so incomplete, alone and mostly, even, scared.
I miss so many things and I want even more. Peace, love and understanding.
Oh, you know I am out of it when I start to quote Elvis Costello...
...Peace of the mind, love from someone, anyone and understanding from those people around me that may think they know me but really don't.
I want to cry, but I am tearless, I cried last night until 4 am, imagine those hours where one sob was followed by the next and my lungs and heart writhed in pain as I remembered my past and predicted my future.
Do I really expect so little of myself, do I hate the world around me so much that I know in the future I would let myself fall away from it all?
And what about these odd, churning feelings for people I barely even know? DJ, Brian... both of them, I am purely infatuated. Both of them so completely out of reach that I just want to hug them one last time and just wish one day I would just forget that I even loved them...
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, or even later but right now... please, just ignore me, hate me, kill me. I really just want to be alone.
 bink-chan · Mon Nov 20, 2006 @ 08:56pm · 0 Comments |
