I wanna be T H E . G I R L that H E ' S scared to lose.
- And here I am. Ready to spill the contents of my heart. One last entry before I disappear from this place. There are many of you who have touched my life, however only a few have stuck by me. Number one. Numero Uno. My love. My one and only. My Andy.
You my dear, are first. For now. For always.
You have saved me. You are my angel and I thank God every day that you were sent to me. As much as I feel I don't deserve you, you're here, always assuring me that I do. Always making me feel like I'm the only woman you ever see. You make me feel beautiful. You make me feel loved and cherished. No matter how much it may hurt at times to be so far, I know that you're mine. For always and forever.
Since I have known you, you've been nothing but the kindest, sweetest man I know. You're the one that I want. You're all that I want. You're the one I don't deserve but I'll do my damndest to get there. I know this is right. I know we are right. If I trust nothing, I trust this. You're perfect. You're exactly everything I could have ever wanted.
I love you with all of my heart. Every fiber of my being. We both know how much that is. That's a damn lot, lol.
T H E . G I R L that H E can't walk away from, knowing S H E ' S mad at H I M.
- I remember our first few encounters. I was whoring for my very first quest item, the angelic sash. You popped in to bump one of my sales. And we talked. We kept talking. Through pm's and whenever I had sales.
It's actually funny to think of those times. I was with someone.. someone who wasn't the best choice ever.. someone who treated me like crap, who made me feel worthless far too often than I should have. But I was blinded.. I thought he was the one for me. And here you were, right under my nose. I thought you were weird because of the hairstyle your av had. Silly me.
We were always conversing about the exchange. I would help you with prices and such. You were a good little pupil, throwing aside all the times I misled you with price spikes and such, lol. How I didn't see it at the time is beyond me. But you were there, you were there for me. We should have started this time around, but we didn't. While it's regrettable, life is about learning.
Soon enough my relationship fell to pieces. I knew that you were the one I should be with a few months before that crumbled. I think we both knew. In June of 2005 we let everyone know the truth.. we belonged together and let everyone know. You were there through the messy break up and kept me strong.
T H E . G I R L who H E can't fall asleep at night unless H E R voice is the last thing H E hears.
Some of our first avs when we were talking, getting to know each other, lol. That hairstyle that I hated on you and all. *giggles* I got over it.
We celebrated every month. I dedicated a journal entry to you for that. But soon, it wasn't enough talking every day, on the phone, on the computer, however we could. We needed to actually be together, be able to feel each other, hug, snuggle. So December 2005 I planned a weeklong trip.
I remember how stressful that was. Thinking work wouldn't let me off. Getting the tickets. Your parents were fabulous about it. Mine? well.. No need to mention the background checks, right? lol. But.. it finally happened.. I took 2 planes, two LOOOONG planes to get there.. We met, and you were too cute, shy and all. And then.. the power, going off as soon as we got to your house. It was hilarious. Such a memorable occasion. As soon as I met your family, I knew that I'd love them. Your mom was a sweetheart, Em was too cute, lol.. And your dad.. well.. he was witty. lol. There are so, so many things from this visit that I'll always remember. Always. But most of all.. I'll remember how you made me feel.
T H E . G I R L who drives H I M crazy, but is the only reason H E ' S sane.
- Remember our first kiss? It took three nights to get there. lol. Awkward and all, but.. I know I'll remember it. Standing in your basement saying goodnight, I didn't want to let go.. But we had to 'cause you were sleepy. It was cute. Good first kiss.
Remember your crazy cousins? lol. Playing with their legos in the little town together.. Those little girls were a handful. The bear game.. Pool.. And that weird board game with the cards on the floor. Your sister and Andrea breaking the swing, us running up the stairs to tell on them.. Fun stuff.
Remember the night Em and Andrea saw us kissing goodnight? How annoying they were, giggling and whispering while we tried to sleep. Thinking it was our first kiss. Thinking they witnessed it, then wanting to talk to me about it. lol. They just wouldn't shut up. But I thought it was cute, lol. You got embarrassed.. XD
And the part we will never forget.. when I called your dad 'witty' in my sarcastic, smart a** way. The burning look in his eyes and the few seconds of silence while everyone gauged his reaction, wondering whether he'd laugh or not. Then having the whole table crack up as he did. Hilarity at it's finest.
Your trip here, on the other hand. Was a lot more independant for us. I will never, ever forget that last drive that night. Even now when I think about it, I start tearing up. I didn't want you to leave. Not ever. I remember having to let you go at the airport and running to the parking lot, crying in my car. Calling you, telling you you still had the change to ditch the plane. You didn't. But that's okay.
I'll remember shopping with you. That was fun, even if you didn't let me have any shoes or purses, lol.. I guess I didn't REALLY need them.. Watching movies.. almost nonstop 'cause it was so hot outside. We almost never went out. Though, the trip to santa cruz was partly a disaster, I know that we had our own fun. I'll always remember walking along the boardwalk and along the beach, your hand in mine. Just.. relaxing. That was a wonderful time.
Going to San Francisco with you.. Wow.. what a great time. Putting the fact that we were with my parents, my grandmother.. and.. arr, Chris, lol.. It was a good time. Walking around, shopping, shielding our faces from my mom's camera at the restaurant, lol.. And then the crazy guy asking for donations. I told you you don't make eye contact! lol.. The movie shop we spent like an hour in. That was seriously cool. Then the ride around the harbor. I couldn't have asked for anything better than taking that ride with you, holding your hand and listening to the crazy headset.
All in all, the time I've gotten to spend with you has been the best time of my life. I miss you every day, the feeling of your hand in mine. Your hugs, your kisses, even the torturous tickling. Damn you for finding that out. lol.. You've restored something in my life that I hadn't had for so long. I haven't been as happy as I am in a really long time. You bring something to my life that I can never live without. I know that you're who I'm meant to be with.. I'll always know that, and that will never change.
We're falling apart to half time
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
T H E . G I R L that H E can't live without.
Uh huh, this M Y s**t ... All the G I R L S stomp your feet like this.
JOLUHFACE - My dearest Joluh. I could never live without you, sweets. You're the best friend a girl could have. You have been here for me for sooo, so long, and I cannot have made it this far without you. You have taught me so much about myself. You made me see every point of every situation, not just what I wanted to see. You helped me through the toughest part of my life and for that I love ya hun.
I know that you'll find what you're looking for because all the best people do. You deserve so much happiness and even though you're having to wait for it, I know in my heart that it will come. And when it does come I will be there to congratulate you. I want to see you happy.. I want nothing more than that from you <3 You helped me find that and so I hope, every day, that you will get that for yourself.
KATEYBABEH - My dearest dorkling Katey. I cannot describe exactly how I feel about you. You are the best sister I could have ever asked to have. You teach me a lot about life and your usually crazy and carefree nature is really uplifting. I know we don't get to talk to each other nearly as much as either of us would like, but sweets.. I love you. Please never doubt that. Don't get all emo on me 'cause there's no way you'll ever be rid of me.
I should have listened to you on a lot of things, lol. You warned me and I really refused to listen. I was blinded. But, you still stood by me. You showed me that we were friends no matter what. You were there when I needed you, in my most dire times. You stood by me and you protected me. Usually it would be the older one doing the protection, but you.. you are remarkable. I am so grateful to have met you and befriended you.
- So close, yet so far.
Together, yet apart.
We are sisters, body and soul,
Yet we are separate and alone.
Our bodies separated by land,
But nothing separates our hearts.
Even if our eyes cannot meet
We know each other's thoughts.
Forever sisters we shall be
Connected by something stronger than blood.
Never alone will we be
As long as we have each other.
I know you've been having a rough patch- no matter how well you can mask it on myspace and the likes. I know the things that have been bothering you, but I know in my heart that you will get past this. Hun... You know I'm here.. even if I don't always seem to be there for you, I really am. I am so sorry that I don't get to talk to you when you call. I don't even know how I can miss those calls.. but I do. And I'm sorry. But please remember, I LOFF YOU!