Emotional abuse, no matter how someone is feeling at the moment, is always wrong. Saying and doing things that hurt the other person, for the sake of hurting the other person, is always wrong.

What has happened to me?

Have I been growing, truly? But every day, though I smile and feel happy, I am scared to accept happiness. Because every time I feel happy, something will happen to get rid of that happiness soon afterwards. A cycle where I'm pulled in and pushed back, and pulled in and pushed back.

I desperately seek for this kind individual who I put on display in my mind. I hold them in high esteem, I cherish them, and I do whatever I can to make them happy. But this individual is not kind. They are cruel.

This is not the person I wanted. Messing with someone's mind, no matter how angry you are, is never a good thing to do. So then why mess with my mind, the girl claimed to be loved?

For so long, I wanted to grow. I have grown. I felt amazing for a time. But why do I continue to push aside the truth for favor of a misconception?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Love tries its best to reassure the other person that they are cared for, because they are. Not tries to make the other person jealous or angry.

I am not growing anymore. I feel pushed down, like my inner spirit is killed. I feel like day after day my strength is going away.

Why do you do this to me? What are you trying to prove? If you don't want me, why are you with me?

If you want me, why do you hurt me?

I pray for removal of this feeling of affection. I pray it will be replaced by peace and calm, so that I can have happiness.