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Operation Impending Doom
Squiggles....
Kaydence was upset this morning because her dad never called her back yesterday. She didn't get to talk to him at all, but I let him know she was upset.
He apologized to her and said he was very busy, which is great progress.
I was really hoping he was not going to go ghost on her like he has done in the past.

And I have to say, I love my boyfriends mum [Margaret].
She is really helping me and trying to make things better between Caleb and I.
I know she is trying hard, but I do feel bad that I do not see it being possible to fix things.
He said some awful things today, and could not have a conversation with me, at least not a nice one.
I ended up crying today.
Ok, I lost it while I was on the phone with Margaret telling her what Caleb had said to me.
But I did my best to just cry for a minute, and then calm myself down quickly.
I knew I needed to cry, I can still feel that I need to,
but I know it will just upset the baby and put stress on the both of us.
I love him so much, but it hurts.
I know I'll never love anyone else, especially not the way I love him.
He will make a good husband to someone that really deserves it, and that can communicate with him well.
The picture he has painted of me, will unfortunately be what I am to him forever.
There's no fixing that.
I just wish I did not plan on a baby and marriage before I knew how he really felt about me.
His mum says that it's not true, and thinks it's my stones.
[This is a very religious family.]
His mum was also telling me that his dad wants to talk to his very bad influential best friend, but he's only the influence.
Not the motive.
I tried to tell them it wouldn't be a good idea, I'd just end up getting blamed for it by Caleb.
I still think they are going to talk to him about how Caleb should not be drinking anymore and that it's time for him to settle down.
But realistically, it really isn't Eric's [his friend] decision or fault,
and it's never going to happen if it is not what Caleb wants.
It's not his fault for wanting what he wants either.
I think we just had different definitions of settling down and having a family.
He told me last night he doesn't see anything wrong with going out and drinking while I am 4 months pregnant.
That told me everything I needed to hear.
It's not what I want.
I want him, but I won't change him.
He is who he is.
I just think that we have changed.
And that's neither faults of either of us.
I do believe he is my soul mate.
But it'll be better to watch him live a happy life the way he wants to,
then to try and shake everything up and make him live a life that will not make him happy.
And that is not at home with family every night sober.
It's best that I just prepare for sleepless weeks and tears.

I am waiting on Margaret to go do the baby registry at Target.
The baby shower is coming up soon and I do not have one yet.
Invites have already been picked out though.
She's hoping that it will motivate Caleb more and someone help our relationship.
It's a far shot, but maybe it'll work.

TakingBackEverything
Community Member
  • [10/05/17 03:04pm]
  • [10/03/17 11:08pm]
  • [10/02/17 11:15pm]
  • [10/02/17 05:45pm]
  • [10/02/17 05:34am]
  • [12/21/11 05:42am]
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  • [12/17/11 10:49pm]
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