I do not think I can cry... it's more like guilty feeling....
please forgive me....

I do not realize its 19th of us...when you leave me forever... I simply cannot says would forget you... you know too well how i was that time, until now these feeling never fade.
No one can be like you... You were too perfect... you were too forgiven... you were too kind to me... you know how I behave was worse than now... you were too patient on me.... you teach me... i was intoxicate by your gentle... you've tell me & see my good point also let me built my dream & yours to be honest... this pure feeling never worn out but now when i open my eyes into reality, all like nothing now....
but your kindness keep lingering on me although you've no longer with me...

because of this.. I've only can picture you & No one can replace yours...
right now... does my wish too much to keep you with me?

please tell me....
I cannot think which is right and I am afraid I cannot protect these promise anymore.
I want to keep alive with your point of view that you've teach me long time ago but I do not want to betray you...
why did you tell me to go to another in my dreams? please stop saying something that makes my heart hurts... I've seen no point to choose others!

without you, I won't be like this!
to keep promise is not small task, even I sacrifice myself & my own curiosity & treasure your pure feeling into me..

if you let me to choose others... how could you says these? i cannot cry but simply ask forgive from you... i do not want you to feel alone, you know? I feel alone for long time but whenever I remember you, I won't ever give up...
since you tell me... i've get more anxious to leave.
does mean you worry i will never know if i do not touch the reality?
i know very well but i never know the right answer.

i try to be fair but always... i dislike myself.
I try to accept but get rejected, i try to be kind but get blame....
I dislike to get hurt... there's no point I am with person with no trust can make happy line.... I want to work out to make with person i can trust but why do I always get problem with that?
that's why i cannot choose others but you only... cause you want to keep me when I got myself wounded by people's words. you make me only see you & take me run from that devil...

cause you really very gentle on me... even you not here anymore...
I dislike people & clearly thinking of you only.

I do not care people call me childish because I only want you, no others!

but if you tell me to choose others... how could accept these fact?
I know I live in different world... you know how i wish to be with your side. 19th not simple... please... forgive me.....

I even think... is that for sake of my happiness, that's why you tell me that?
I know I am growing older but.... to tell the truth I afraid to choose others...

no one can accept the fact but... I clearly will says, for you, I never taste what is called couple relationship, no point for me to taste that cause i believe you the most.. i want you to trust me, this pure feeling only for you.

please my love... stop saying hurt things.
give me times to think if i should pick others because I dislike to take simple decision...
I am not kind of person who changing person like changing clothes..

even that person not perfect like you... protect me & forgive me is enough.
but... why my love? I still unsure when you tell me in my dream...
please tell me it just my imagination...

because I dislike to break my own promise to you.
if i have to choose others... to replace you... NO!
because simply people only want to make sure & i see no point for me to keep in line with others... I hate people after all... I only want to believe you...
PEOPLE always give no trust to me.....

No point for me to go with LIAR too... I only want to see reality.

that's why i told you... you were too perfect for me! no one can does!
i know i asking much but that's why i feel unsure with others.

I wish..........
I can get rid of these insanity.

but love you for 19th, i never feel regret.
since i notice this feeling as love into you, i've meet more people who teach me.
your gentleness is key for me to lead new place.

thanks a lot my love....
loving you never waste my time even it is 19th of us...

if you really do tell to choose others.....
then.... I hope I can meet that chosen one who could reach the point of trust like you & me..

these guilt feeling... who cares?
I know I am not good girl after all....
it's only people who can judge me & they won't hear my words...
make me cannot trust people anymore but only you my love i can trust...

simply this love, only you... I can be into this extent of insanity promise...

I wonder who will be the person can break myself & enough to kidnap me? LOL
I do not think there will be person like that exist. but feelings not enough without act... so, I wonder who will be?

I know this post actually stupid but loving someone into this extent I am very proud of myself for try to not break my promise. because I believe on these love never worn out & makes me understand with other shape of loves.

I choose this blindly love but right now.... I am unsure with what you told me....