Sigh, yea, haven't been posting for a long time.

So been pretty much spending most of last month job hunting, skating, training for IPPT and also going for weekly D&D sessions with some bridge friends. I guess it really kept myself busy enough to not overthink too much but thoughts of her still end up crossing my mind so often...

I did finally get a job at a warehouse for 5 weeks until before school reopens but it's really kinda mundane. I took the job because it was the closest to the various places that I'll skate at in the evenings but still, the transit time from workplace to these places are horrible thanks to the traffic around the area. Welp. But I gotta get some money to fund my skate upgrade and also whatever portion of my tuition fees not covered by my loan.

And yea, added onto this job thing, 2 of my club's events are happening in the upcoming 2 months and I've really got to get my act together to make sure they go smoothly. I'm still really lost on what I gotta do though. And I've still got to train hard for my IPPT so I can at least do decently before this window closes. And then there's module bidding for next semester and also preparing for the game development module. I don't really understand why this holidays feels so busy compared to the rest...

It feels kinda lonely having to do these things alone but I've been this way for most my life, haven't I...? I still hope that we were talking like before, before I let my anxiety consume me once again. Everything felt so good even though I was stressed out. But I guess I was weak and... I went ahead and ruined it all. I'm sorry.

I'm glad you're talking to me about work related matters but... I really want to talk to you about so much more. How you're doing, what you're doing, your trip to Korea and about the whole incident... I really wished we could go back to that level of closeness but I'm really scared of tired of how much havoc I cause whenever I try to patch things up. I don't know how to do it anymore, please just give me a sign or something that will help fix this mess that I've created. Sigh, I don't even know what I'm talking about this entry anymore but I miss you so damn much.

Thanks for making me feel so deeply again, at least I feel alive, much more alive than having hide my emotions away. I'll keep watch over you and I hope you find the things that truly make you happy.