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maybe it makes me a b***h, but i'mma say it.

i like wearing dressy things in every day life.
i put on my suspender skirt today. because i could. i didn't even leave the house.

i actually "dress down" for my american friends. i feel like wearing what i really want to wear will make them feel less... dressed. or whatever. like...
i'll wear a t-shirt and jeans to a friend's house - because if i show up in a skirt and blouse it's awkward.

why does american culture make it so that you only wear dressy stuff to church and country clubs and whatnot?
(rural culture, where we don't do hoity-toity rich people s**t - church is about the only place you 'dress up'. )
why do we do this?
drives me up a wall.

i'm going to wear what i want.
if you want to wear flannel and jeans. that's your choice.
if what you want to wear is loose, baggy, "comfortable" etc etc. that's your choice.
i'm comfy in my skirt. it's my choice.
(just drives me nuts that people assume too much about my clothing choice.)

4laugh

also....

i'm horrible. but i said it today. in the hearing of my sister and mother.

my mother was looking at some pictures on facebook. pictures of caleb's (my first ex's) child. posted by the child's mother. whose last name does not match caleb's.

"i guess she's not married to caleb." was mom's comment.
"i think that's what mia told me." i replied.
"she might be one of those 'get pregnant to keep the man' kinds." i said.
"caleb never was the marrying kind." i said.

i can't remember what my mother or sister said.
i'm mean. but i said those things.
i think mom's response to caleb not being the marrying kind was kind of an "oh" that means "oh, i see that's how he was/is."

i don't really know the kid's mother. she could be a saint or a hussy.
beats me.

but caleb. i know caleb. very well.
he's not the settle down kind of guy. if he was - i would have been married at 19 or 20.
but he let me go. because our life paths were different. because our views are different.
what i can tell you about him.... he's not the type to have sex to get someone pregnant. he strikes me as the careful type.
(this is what makes me wonder... what this woman did to get pregnant.....)

*shrug*
of course i couldn't explain all this to my mother and sister.
we don't talk about such things.

but in some way, i felt... vindicated?

he didn't marry me. he didn't marry her.

maybe that makes me a b***h. (but the part of me that is pleased says 'yes, you knew him correctly.' and the kind part of me hopes this woman is a decent mother and isn't a manipulative jerk, the kind that uses a child to stay in someone's life because they couldn't stay under any other circumstances)