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My Gaia Journal
My profile pretty much tells about me and if anyone is interested, they can look there. But I've wanted to have a blog/journal for a while, but I just haven't gotten to it yet. This isn't going to be anything fancy, at least that's not my intent, but
Updating
It's nearly the end of February and I've really only been here a short time, but I want to update my journal.

I visited my father in North Dakota. I think I mentioned him earlier, but he's 80 (two months short of 81) and this last summer, on June 11, 2016, my mother passed away. I've only been to his house once since her passing. He didn't allow me to attend her memorial because he is embarrassed by me. He hasn't allowed me to visit, either. I realized why during our first chat. Oh, I drove up there because I was worried about him and didn't ask or tell him I was coming. I just drove up and showed up at his door. I don't care anymore that he is embarrassed by me (it's mutual) and that he didn't allow me at my mother's memorial (I have my memories, one service isn't everything). What I care about is how he is doing. His wrists are getting delicate (but he's still strong, he plays handball 3 days a week) but his tummy is still pretty solid. When we're not there to care for him, he doesn't take care of himself well. My first night there I made him supper. As we sat down at the breakfast bar he said, "This is the first time since your mother died that I've eaten a meal at home." He's had meals, like instant oatmeal for breakfast, but he meant one with meat and potatoes and bread. (I forgot the veggie.) I had also made him a fruit salad for dessert - one my mother made for him regularly. He ate so much (four small pork chops, two to three servings of potatoes, two slices of bread and then later almost all of the fruit salad, which was in a cool-whip bowl so it was pretty big for one person) that he fell asleep. We also went out to dinner and I ordered something from the menu that I knew he liked. I only ate some of my salad and took all the rest of the meal home as left-overs. He ate that the next night for lunch. I got a good idea of what he likes to eat and before I left we went to the grocery store together. The prices there are sky-high compared to here so I went grocery shopping just after getting home and bought about $80 of food that he'll eat. I'm going back to visit in about two weeks, with my son, and will take this food and some more with me when I go. He's getting pretty forgetful and his eyesight is bad, but he's a proud man and does ok on his own. Emotionally, he only had one episode and that came after he tried to show me my mother's wedding band and other important jewelry. We couldn't find it in her jewelry box. I didn't know about the top lifting up and had looked in the drawers. He found the top would lift, but the mirror that was glued to the top had come loose and was laying on top of the jewelry so when you lifted the top and looked in, it looked like a floor of the shelf and nothing was on it. It was only after we realized that the mirror was there and moved it that we saw the jewelry. It took a couple hours to get that far because when we couldn't find the rings he panicked. He had a breathing and crying episode and I spent most of my time trying to calm him down. He was so relieved when we found her jewelry, but he was also physically exhausted. I believe that when he's alone, he has these types of episodes fairly often. I worry about him, but I can't see how I can be there for him much more often. He's giving me his old car, which is road worthy, to bring home when my son and I leave. But it's 680 miles from my house to his and so I can't go except maybe every other month. And if he knows I'm drving alone he gets really worried. That's why I hadn't told him I was coming for this last visit. I don't know how to make things right for him. We speak every day unless I'm sick, which is maybe once every two or three weeks, and then I still try to make sure I only miss a day. I have one sister and she speaks with him regularly, too. She's visiting him this weekend. She lives about 550 miles from him, so she can't visit often, either. She's much busier than I am, with two jobs. I don't have a job, but I have two dogs and he won't let me bring them with me. If I could take my dogs, I'd probably come close to moving in with him. I'd probably be up there for 2-3 weeks at a time every 2-3 months. Or more. Somehow, it's ok for my sister to take her dog with her, but not me. Because of that, I kind of stick to my guns and my visits are sparse (obviously). I've invited him to move down by my son and I so I could spend more time with him, but he's got his life in North Dakota. I understand that very well, as I'm not moving up there, either.

My dogs are well. They didn't like that I was gone for a week, but they learned to go outside with my son and they did eat while I was gone. My Little One's ears are doing better and she sees the vet on Monday. Hopefully, this horrible yeast infection is finally gone. My Teddy is starting to have little episodes - muscle spasms and trouble breathing - that I worry about. But he's over 15 and is about 25 pounds when he should weigh no more than 20, I'm sure. I lift him onto furniture and my bed and play gently with him when he wants to. The three of us go out and walk around our apartment building, ending with a short jog after they've finished going potty and had time to sniff around to their heart's content. Unfortunately, Teddy is having to go out to go potty every two to three hours. I don't know if he really has to go (he does usually go) or if he's manipulating me. They get treats whenever we come in. I could make Teddy exercise more and cut back on his food even more, but he's already lost about 1 to 1 1/2 pounds since we moved in mid-January and he's happy. We'll keep with the smaller meal portions and exercise and he'll slowly lose a little more. He's satisfied with his food so he's not trying to eat everything so I think all is well. I've set up a baby gate in our back door and when it's nice I open all the windows and the back door so they can get all the smells of outside all the time. And they like to be right by that baby gate. I'll put up with the bugs until the mosquitoes come out, well, as long as I can, and then I'll have to have the back door shut. But I'm going to have the windows open and air conditioner off as much as possible for the summer. And I'm living in a little cooler climate indoors than I like so that they've got the outside as much as possible. It was great last week because we actually were up in the 70's one or two days and in the 60's for a couple others. But, yesterday we had snow. Today I might be able to open the windows for a bit.It's 1 in the afternoon and we've been outside 5 times since 7.

I'm still working on The Book. That's not its official name. It's "A Living Angel: Arline Florence Short-Schubert". My goal is to have a complete copy for my dad and sister by March 10. They'll have a chance to proofread it and we'll make any changes needed during my visit to my dad in March. We'll each go through it again in late March and then, hopefully, we'll have a copy for the printer in April. Now that I've done everything as far as learning the word processing program and finding the printer and getting an ISBN and bar code, I'm into writing. I have about 5 books in my head ready to put on paper. The writing here isn't really indicitive of my abilities. I'm not concentrating on punctuation and fluidity. These are my scattered and unedited thoughts. The 5 books include 1 contemporary romance, 2 historical romances, 1 fantasy romance, and 1 mystery. I don't have names for the characters, but I will write it using whatever names and then decide who is who and go in and change the names to what I want. The Book is mostly pictures and stories to go with it, but it has made me realize that I can do everything on my own except that final step of getting it published and sold. My dad thinks I need to make this into a career - getting other people who are writing about relatives or genealogy to have me put their books together and to the publisher/printer. I think it would be good but he has no idea how many hours it is really taking me to do this. I'm doing it for us because we're family and it's for my mother and to help give my father a reason to continue living. I don't know if I would want to put this much time into another person's family. But then again, just thinking about it makes me realize how important a book could be to each family so in addition to earning some money, I'd be doing something for each of those people. Maybe I will look into it. But I really want to write my own books. And I don't want to have to do all the business stuff, getting insurance, writing a contract, having deadlines, etc. Some people are really successful at this but I don't know if I could do it. I'll look into it, but finish The Book first. I also have to consider that I've basically lost use of my right thumb and I'm having to learn to use the mouse thumbless.

Boy, that's a lot and it doesn't really touch the surface of my thoughts today. I will simply have to write more often rather than so much.





 
 
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