I had my first flashback last week. I didn't know the incident even bothered me since it happened over 3 years ago.
It started when my customer became drunk, jealous and unreasonable. He accused me of something I didn't do, I proved him wrong. Then he demanded I pick between him and my second best client. I had to pick him, due to financial reasons. He got me so worked up I felt like a prisoner, I sunk into the reality that he has control of my life. Not like a regular job where you work certain hours. I'm on call 24/7. My job never ends, it bleeds into your regular life and controls what and who you are.
The weekend passed, Monday came and I went to my customers house as we had arranged before out fight. I was still upset with his behavior and apparently he was really horny. We were on the sofa watching movies and he kept petting me and I realized I was not in the right state of mind. Every touch was agonizing, I tried dropping subtle hints but instead he climbed on top of me and pined me down trying to be cute. I thought if I could just get him on the bed I can't handle doing everything right now but a quickie might get him to leave me alone just long enough to get me back to normal.
Unfortunately, he was just as agressive and he tried to push me onto the bed, I stood my ground but he kept trying like it was a game, I nicely told him to get on the bed but he did not get the hint so I had to be firmer. This simple thing made me remember and it's never bothered me except for that one night but it's been over three years. Now for the last week a customer could rub his hand on my cheek and floods of tears come running down. Unfortunately i had to spend all week with the customer who triggered my memories and It's like being imprisoned, never able to leave until the business is done.
BrookeTX Community Member 
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