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Bailey's Journal Um, I guess a more personal record of my day to day jobs.


supernaturalsticks
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So tired....
My day was less than pleasant, but my evening was actually quite nice. I met Lil for a drink at a nearby bar. I know I just recently had that tizzy about her turning into a creature beautiful beyond all comprehension, getting captured and collared again, but she's shrunk back to how I am used to seeing her as and we're getting along better.

There was a period of anger while she was in power (we may have fought in Kaseys house and been thrown out :/ how embarrassing) and my family and I have been the greatest scourge on her life (the part she hasn't blocked out) but she seems to be past the tiptoeing about phase. If I sound cautiously optimistic, I actually don't believe this will be okay for even a second. I'm hoping she'll find a way to blast me into oblivion and find some measure of peace. This is the next possible thing to okay.

Anyway, we had a civil conversation. She's living with Misa now and kind of being a caretaker (?) to her. It's not exactly a new thing for her, but she says she's only sleeping with Misa now? Talk about surprises. It's just....her nature, you know?

Then we came to my side of the updates. I sigh heavily as I write this, but who else am I going to talk to? I am scum. This involves the being that replaced Lilith in the Reinhart collar-Isu. Such a short name for so long a history of murder and rape. Yeah. Incubus. I hate him with so much of my being. All the things I stopped Lilith from indulging in? He enjoys every bit of it. I'm sure he's using every second to plan his escape and revenge. And I already slept with him. Like, recently. Since I made him my unable-to-resist slave. For someone who made such an effort to be better than their roots, I sure am continuing family tradition. Hence the scum. I didn't make him do it before anyone asks. But I didn't stop him either. He just....felt like Lilith. He does the same thing.

Being lonely is not an excuse.

Lilith wasn't exactly happy when she heard. She'd been joking but reading it on my face...she had this look that I'd never seen before. The look of disbelief, like she'd been slapped, will always be seared into my mind. That night before I woke up in the hospital-I'll leave the Who and What for you to interpret from here.

It hasn't been a continuous thing, but it's a little isolated out there. He goes to a brothel I know of to enjoy himself (no killing rule stands) and eat. "But why don't you stick him in a box and bury him like he deserves?" you may (and should) ask? Honestly, I don't have an answer. I just....don't. He's playing the repentant criminal and I was caught off guard in a time of distress. Now he works for me. He's not allowed near my room. He's not allowed to touch. These Orders I give cannot be contested due to his bindings. I am safe. For now. I am fine.

Lilith looks healthy. Misa doesn't require much but physical closeness it sounds like. Lilith is working on finding some kind of personal balance. I can't imagine what she must be thinking, nor do I think I could fathom.

The night was nice. We talked, tried to gauge and feel each other out and parted ways. There's a new kind of tension in my stomach, but the tension that was already there eased a little while we were together. I miss her and to be honest I don't like hearing about her getting along without me so easily. I'm a wreck. Enough of one to get candy from a known kidnapper (I find this phrasing to be most accurate for what happened with Isu).

I'm hoping to find work soon. Saving someones in distress will help. One after another unless I feel balanced out. No matter how long it takes. Either I'll feel okay enough to live with myself, or something will take the choice from me.




 
 
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