When people get together, either in a relationship or in any kind of group situation, they make certain agreements with each other.
In the workplace we usually agree to be on time, to work hard, to be as productive as possible.
In a marriage, we agree to be sexually faithful, to be honest, to be supportive.
When people create a partnership (of any kind), agreements are an essential ingredient to the partnership. We may not sit down and list out all of these agreements, but these agreements are there. They may not have been put in writing, they may not even have been formally agreed upon, but they do exist.
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When we do something that violates any of these agreements, we KNOW that we've done so. We may try to convince ourselves that "it was unavoidable" or "they deserved it." It doesn't matter. We know that we've done something that, in some way, has violated an agreement of the relationship.
Some of these broken agreements are more serious than others. The husband might've been out with another woman that night he said he was working late. Or the wife may've transferred a chunk of money to an account the husband knows nothing about.
We have all heard the term "transgression." Simply stated: a transgression is http://www.weddingwire.com/ a broken agreement.
Usually, the more serious the transgression, the less willing we are to talk about it. We tend to accumulate these transgressions over a period of time AND too often we keep them to ourselves.
Committing these transgressions is one thing. Then withholding (not communicating) what we did--this combination can have a very negative effect on a relationship.
When one spouse (or boyfriend, girlfriend, employee, etc.) commits too many transgressions, the result is a lessened willingness to communicate. And from this condition, all kinds of other problems show up. But what came first was a transgression(s).
Now, there is another type of transgression. These are things that we should've done, but we didn't. These "omissions" have a similar adverse effect.
Example: let's say the kids are fighting and the mom knows that she should go in and break it up. But she decides not to and one of the kids breaks a lamp. Had the mom gone in and settled things down, we'd still have a good lamp. She "omitted" to take the action of breaking up the fight.
Example: the father notices that the older daughter has some signs of taking drugs. The father knows what these telltale signs are and the daughter is exhibiting some of these signs. But he http://lorrainemason.com ignores them. He doesn't sit down with his daughter and have a heart-to-heart with her. Instead he thinks, "maybe I didn't really see what I thought I saw." Or he figures "nah, not my daughter."
A few weeks later, the daughter gets arrested with some of her friends. Drugs are involved. The father "omitted" to sit down with his daughter and get into sufficient communication with her to determine that 1) she is not involved with drugs in any way or 2) if she is, he works with her to get this resolved!
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