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I kinda felt like I should say something. |
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This account is over 10 years old, perhaps nearly 11 even. So much has changed since I was a teenager. Things that I never even imagined. So, I last left off that I got married, which is great.. After we married, I settled here in England with him as his wife, we found jobs, we went to uni and we fought endlessly. After he graduated, we moved back in with his parents, leaving Stoke behind forever. Soon after that, he found work in Maidstone and from there, he found work in Manchester and that is where I have landed.
Tommy and I had a very rocky relationship from the beginning, and looking back at this journal, I really do wish I had listened to the people who warned me about being with him. I don't really have any regrets, though. I love my life here in Manchester. After less than a year here, Tommy left me. That opened up it's own roller coaster of emotions, a lot of rash decisions; some good, some bad. I had a job that I liked, I was also seeing a friend of mine who lived with us (we had opened our relationship before we split, perhaps one of many of the mistakes we made in our relationship). And after a whirlwind of complex arguments, moving out away from him, sharing an apartment with that boyfriend, discovering more about myself, breaking up with that boyfriend... I have now found someone new, exciting, fun to be with and finally someone who just gets me, for me.
Damian and I have been together nearly a year now and I never thought I could ever be this happy. I never did imagine 11 years ago that this is where I would be at the age of 25. Soon to be divorced, engaged to a beautiful person and discovering what life is like in my mid 20s.
Looking back at all of my posts, I was so dramatic. I think that's how I have governed my entire life - with drama and over exaggeration. I get really hung up on myself and sometimes forget to celebrate others achievements. I can be very selfish and disconnected. I'm sure some of my stunted emotional development is down to the fact that I never left the house as a teenager, I still don't now and I still barely have any friends. The truth is, I'm afraid to get new friends. When I was younger, I put myself out there, desperately trying to find someone who would listen, someone who cared and someone who reassured me that I am not crazy, misguided or a horrible person. I needed people to validate who I was as a person because I had no one there to validate me. Now, I have someone who not only makes me feel like a valid and reasonable person, but also someone who helps pick up the pieces and slowly put me back together. I don't feel like I need as many people in my life now and I am slowly just becoming OKAY with being me.
A lot of great things have happened in my life since leaving America. I have traveled, met new people, learned new things and learned a lot about me. It has been in some ways really nice to look back at young me and appreciate her for who she was. In some ways she was insightful, creative, hopeful and gave endless love to those who probably cared less than her. I am really glad that I wrote what I did, despite most of it being useless dribble about boyfriends. It is comforting to know that I did overcome a lot of the issues I had then and I have now moved on to be a better and stronger person.
This website had a huge impact on my life, and forever it will be in my memories. I'm happy that I have spent time reflecting today and I hope tomorrow to continue being better days.
Pink Desires · Tue Jan 20, 2015 @ 07:07pm · 1 Comments |
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