dear c-
i chose to call you this letter because that is who you
are. i would have used "t" but that's not what i sobbed to
myself when you weren't looking. when you didn't care.
this is who you are in my
nightmares.
dear c-
there was some foolish part of me that still thought
broken hearts were a thing of the past. for some reason
i thought this time would be different and yet i feel
like a broken record.
dear c-
you sent someone to fix the cuts on my arms but who is
going to fix this broken heart?
dear c-
i wanted to love you. i wanted to encase your beauty
and keep it on my shelf. there was something in you that
i desperately wanted to hold onto but as always
you let
go.
dear c-
honestly i thought the first thing i wrote about you was
going to be happy. i thought maybe it would be about the way
you held me as if you were never going to let go.
or maybe the way you touched me as if i was this relic you didn't
want to taint (but did anyways).
but instead i'm writing about all the ways i'm counting the sheep
to stop myself from carving my skin like it's ******** Halloween.
instead i'm trying to breathe as if i'm trapped in a room of
carbon monoxide. instead i'm trying to figure out where i went
wrong.
dear c-
you said you were falling in love with me but i can't
help but get the feeling i was the only one who
fell.
dear c-
i'm deciding whether or not this is something i want you to read.
i always wanted to share my writing with you but was afraid you
would not like it.
but now what do i have left to lose?
dear c-
still a lot, evidently.
dear c-
you pushed me off your own pedestal at a time where you
knew my wings were burned out. you left me choking on my
own words without anyone around to preform CPR. you just
witnessed me losing my ******** mind and decided maybe i could
lose it just a bit more. you left without even a thought of
looking back.
dear c-
this is the first time i've ever written anything like this about
a girl.
(writing mopey poems is a girl thing, by the way.)
dear c-
i wanted to love you. i wanted to hold you and tell you that there
are rainbows after the rain. i wanted to tell you pretty stories that
didn't end in red. there was such a huge part of me that wanted to say
those three little words but maybe it wouldn't have changed
a thing.
i wanted to tell you so many beautiful things but would you have
listened?
dear c-
i don't know how to end this. i didn't think there was going to be an
end so soon. i didn't think i had regret feeling strongly for someone
so abruptly. i guess it comes down to i didn't want this
to end.
P.S.
i never got to see you wear your dress.
i bet you were beautiful.
faggulicious Community Member 
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