It seems now my eternal nightmare and depression begins. I feel like nothing but a dead weight now. My work and college life interfered with my personal life to the point of where I had no control and where I couldn't be with the person I needed to be with. Never before have I felt such a dying pain inside my heart with the sudden overwhelming feelings of sadness and depression. The attack of anxiety kicks in now, time to breath in 1, 2 ,3. Breathing remains but mind is wondering like a freight train with no breaks ready to hit the wall doing 90 with no survivors but one. The one hopeless girl who though she would still have that significant male figure in her life no matter how long she was away for. It always seemed she came back just in time to face the bad news and worse then that, beat the storm. So she sits here, wondering what she's done wrong, If she should have gone down another path. If being judged left and right wasn't back enough I had to come back to this. THIS is when people break down, and THIS is where I stand alone....alone in fork in the road not knowing which way to go. The weeps of the wind carries my tears as though they were the rain and my body ........nothing. For when one gets a small crack, it slowly spreads, like the words along paper. A woman crying tears of sorrow feels enormous pain that can't be described. A pain of which tears flow so fast and hard that you can't see what's in front of you. An uncontrollable need to scream WHY? Why .......why? I don't know "Why". Though she still sits here writing, while learning in the mist of it all family is falling apart, a home was taken and none was given, hanging on to money by a thread, getting by just enough to make a small call home, Having the time to call the man she called her "lover" But yet, when the phone rang.....she got no answer. Knowing that she knew there was someone there but they wouldn't dare listen now knowing what measure of pain and trauma has been dealt. As she sits here knowing there's two other figures beside her's that kept pulling her away and blocking him from her. Purposelessly! WHY? Again I ask why......Yet....I get no answer. A video with a title that reads "Farewell", brings one to quick tears at first sigh and then the sound of your voice. But one thing was off that's for sure, you show'd no sadness, pain, nor GUILT. Even though she couldn't watch nor listen the first sentence was enough. Who pushed you and why? yet another "Why"? I go day in and out wondering.....just.....why.
Why?
I become a different person at this point, emotion, feeling, just.....turns into slow motion. Days begin to fade into each other. But, life still goes on.
Words flow from me like a book, I speak differently through a rough time and become indifferent. As though i can't separate my self from everyone else in the crow. That one little girl in the crowd holding a red balloon to separate herself.
Or is it to be seen?
Hiding behind a mask is what comes to mind this leaves one speechless, eyes wide, mind confused..but why.
They say sleep on it or you'll be fine. But, we know the truth. Pain hurts and pain is real, it's worse when it's with a loved one.
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My Childhood Life.
Everyone has a story to tell, So why shouldn't I tell mine?
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