I spent a good 4+ hours doing this. I want you to understand how the insipid complaints during you gaiz "Hurr, so much better in the old days" bullshit can be traced back to you ******** complaining in 1924 in the same exact manner you do on /pol/ and everywhere else. It's almost word-for-word, 90 ******** years of the same s**t over and over again.

Illuminati is Communism - 1924 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=950&dat=19240618&id=gORPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=2lQDAAAAIBAJ&pg=1394,6283482

Illuminati at St. Simon's - 1957 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1314&dat=19570423&id=wLYyAAAAIBAJ&sjid=OecDAAAAIBAJ&pg=5286,1751269

Illuminati & Liberals Control The Media - 1965 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1982&dat=19651227&id=lP9iAAAAIBAJ&sjid=yG0NAAAAIBAJ&pg=971,4520843

Illuminati & Black Power - 1969 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1817&dat=19690907&id=PBwoAAAAIBAJ&sjid=DJwEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5477,1247744

Illuminati & Communism - 1974 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19740628&id=Sq5VAAAAIBAJ&sjid=O-ADAAAAIBAJ&pg=4051,6265660

Illuminati & God - 1974 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1817&dat=19741020&id=VEYgAAAAIBAJ&sjid=R5wEAAAAIBAJ&pg=4704,4039305

Illuminati & White Male Guns - 1976 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=b9ZVAAAAIBAJ&sjid=K-ADAAAAIBAJ&pg=5122,5696374
Part 2 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19760222&id=b9ZVAAAAIBAJ&sjid=K-ADAAAAIBAJ&pg=4146,5704398

Watch for Message of Illuminati - 1976 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19760227&id=dNZVAAAAIBAJ&sjid=K-ADAAAAIBAJ&pg=2007,6948253

Sittin' Around, Readin' Dem Loominati Books - 1976 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19760813&id=dPBVAAAAIBAJ&sjid=R-EDAAAAIBAJ&pg=6744,3154864

Illuminati And Plato - 1976 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1243&dat=19761028&id=DOhPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=xQgEAAAAIBAJ&pg=3079,5941704

The Illuminati Are Witches - 1978 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2245&dat=19780605&id=s2ozAAAAIBAJ&sjid=xTIHAAAAIBAJ&pg=5468,3251282

Illuminati In One Ear - 1978 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1807&dat=19781113&id=BKAcAAAAIBAJ&sjid=52gEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5376,2577357

Hell's Angels & Illuminati - 1979 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1298&dat=19790730&id=7eFLAAAAIBAJ&sjid=14sDAAAAIBAJ&pg=5046,4536596

Illuminati Mentioned - 1984 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=943&dat=19840315&id=1y1QAAAAIBAJ&sjid=slYDAAAAIBAJ&pg=6529,1623568
Repeat - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1665&dat=19840320&id=Wz4aAAAAIBAJ&sjid=aCQEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5227,2624114
Repeat #2 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1350&dat=19840321&id=NFBPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=yQIEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5008,6877396

Member Will Speak About Illuminati Tonight - 1985 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1916&dat=19850409&id=NQ9JAAAAIBAJ&sjid=ggUNAAAAIBAJ&pg=4821,1360669

Illuminati and Jews - 1985 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2194&dat=19850416&id=ETg0AAAAIBAJ&sjid=XPUIAAAAIBAJ&pg=1345,3205434

Illuminati Run By Jews - 1985 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2194&dat=19850620&id=2CI0AAAAIBAJ&sjid=lfUIAAAAIBAJ&pg=1414,4573662

Illuminati in Portugal - 1988 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2519&dat=19880117&id=8addAAAAIBAJ&sjid=O10NAAAAIBAJ&pg=1151,3171822

Illuminati Funding Communism - 1990 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2245&dat=19900222&id=fM80AAAAIBAJ&sjid=VDIHAAAAIBAJ&pg=2661,6523970

Illuminati & New World Order - 1991 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1696&dat=19911227&id=TPkaAAAAIBAJ&sjid=okcEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6529,8598792

Conspiracies Are The Lives of Us All - 1992 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=qf1TAAAAIBAJ&sjid=SI0DAAAAIBAJ&pg=6460,7050619

Illuminati Gonna Get In This Book Here - 1992 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1346&dat=19920822&id=Dt0vAAAAIBAJ&sjid=TPwDAAAAIBAJ&pg=5644,680613

Illuminati Comin' For The Christians, Again - 1992 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1665&dat=19921013&id=NJRPAAAAIBAJ&sjid=iyQEAAAAIBAJ&pg=5084,2850935

Illuminati vs. Elvis - 1993 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1665&dat=19930801&id=NjIaAAAAIBAJ&sjid=UyUEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6564,106767

Illuminati Still In This Book Here - 1995 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1310&dat=19950415&id=vfxQAAAAIBAJ&sjid=7eoDAAAAIBAJ&pg=2657,3582253

Religious Right Fight Themselves - 1995 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1320&dat=19950217&id=OsJWAAAAIBAJ&sjid=neoDAAAAIBAJ&pg=3215,3758753

Conspiracy Theories Are An American Tradition - 1995 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1957&dat=19950530&id=8RQxAAAAIBAJ&sjid=T-AFAAAAIBAJ&pg=1347,7077361

Conspiracy Theories Are Flawed Data - 1995 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=894&dat=19950626&id=Ux0OAAAAIBAJ&sjid=lH0DAAAAIBAJ&pg=2666,3449252

Illuminati Dollar Eye - 2003 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2002&dat=20030707&id=cLYiAAAAIBAJ&sjid=DLUFAAAAIBAJ&pg=5563,1803122

Illuminati Stole The Precious Anti-Matter - 2004 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2479&dat=20040405&id=HVo1AAAAIBAJ&sjid=kyUMAAAAIBAJ&pg=493,2635959

Bonus:
Illuminati Gift Shop - 1986 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2507&dat=19861113&id=_KRAAAAAIBAJ&sjid=paUMAAAAIBAJ&pg=2362,3170871
Another Ad - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2507&dat=19861211&id=F6hAAAAAIBAJ&sjid=oaUMAAAAIBAJ&pg=3027,2808069

Illuminati (The Play) Milks Sacred Cows - 1987 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=2206&dat=19870630&id=9-slAAAAIBAJ&sjid=ifMFAAAAIBAJ&pg=809,8248691

Illuminati Massages - 2004 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1955&dat=20040701&id=NpEjAAAAIBAJ&sjid=iaMFAAAAIBAJ&pg=6851,199663

Illuminati Y2K The Card Game - 2007 - http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=799&dat=20071206&id=OclOAAAAIBAJ&sjid=xUkDAAAAIBAJ&pg=5772,3860672&dq=illuminati&hl=en

Things Excluded:
Plot of the Tomb Raider movie
People's last names which are "Illuminati"