Paradox Prince
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Day One
Day 1, June 12th 2014 Thursday
Dear readers,

As I am writing this I am sitting on a Ferry boat to Alaska. I am writing this two days later than I meant for it to be. (as in the actual date is the first hour of the 14th now.) I actually was going to finally make my journal thread on this day but it simply didn't happen. Because of the late nature of this entry my awareness of when event's happened is incredibly fuzzy. I assure you that I will slowly become more specific in the future about what time what events happened.

My time of waking was 1:39 in the morning. As for the reason for this, I have no actual idea but surely my dreams are involved. I was listening to Nightvale when I went to sleep. It was to the same podcast for the third day in a row, and fell asleep before the weather. The title of the podcast I keep failing to get through because I just fall asleep to Cecils amazing lulling and sleep inducing, hypnotic voice is called “A memory of Europe” and our sweet voiced Cecil spoke of “Spitz” and blue thorny flowers, and knocking himself unconscious and waking up somewhere different aged at least a decade older with no idea of where he was. After that I don't remember anything because I fall asleep around this time. If you haven't listened to anything by Nightvale I highly recommend it. It's fun.

After I woke I got up and spent some time, and by some time, I mean a lot of time, online until around between 7 and 10.

I did general dumb crap online until Bubbles woke up. I will describe him as tall with broad shoulders, tan, impossibly thick dark hair with little random silver ones in it, deep dark brown eyes and as always having a mischievous expression even when he's not actually being mischievous.

As for Spoons he's not around but, he has gauges and soft short light brown hair and a thin toned build and green eyes, pale skin, and a prominent canine when he smiles.

When he woke up he informed me that Kay and J.C who were visiting in Washington, will be taking us out to dinner.
Kay is J.C's current girlfriend. She's the kind of person that always seems to have her life terribly going wrong and always wonders why but she herself is usually the cause of her own calamities. She's often stressed out and always seems strained in all of her relationships with everyone she knows. I think she's going somewhere to get help soon though, against her will. I hope that she learns something helpful.

J.C is the owner of a private tour company I work with in Alaska and he's possibly one of the smartest people I know in regards to his knowledge of law and managing people. He's also familiar with Aikido He's the only person I've ever met that's actually a good parent.

This day was fairly an emotional day for me. Bubbles is a strong headed person and so am I so we have a lot of disagreements that just become verbal fights. We only ever physically fought seriously once and it was a few months ago.
In today’s argument I think in the beginning I upset him more than I was upset because I was so aggressively pursuing trying to get what he thought of something I brought up. But he gave me an opinion irrelevant to what I actually said, and it just involved the people that I mentioned and I got mad at him, because it sounded like something he'd been sitting on to tell me instead of paying attention to, and then responding to specifically what I said. It started while we were eating breakfast he made, (Diced potatoes broccoli cheese and egg scramble thing) and then it continued until long after that.

He was upset because he just wanted to enjoy breakfast with me in peace & I guess I was ruining it for him. I didn't really mean to ruin anything though.

I always want to negotiate because I want answers now, or I want to talk about it right away until we have a mutual agreement or a better understanding of what the other is saying. In opposition he always wants to just go silent and not say anything or ignore the issue like it's going to make it just go away & isn't going to make something fester and form a grudge or a gap between us because neither of us will feel heard if no one says anything. Silence is not the answer.
Our arguments tend to get really off topic and it eventually led to us just getting tired of it and making up and I was sitting on his lap and confessing my feelings about how many other people have treated me in regards to a poorly explored psychological illness I have. That I have had throughout the majority of my life and has warped my sense of reality greatly.
Basically the argument ended because I started crying. Then I cried harder while I was saying I felt like no one believed me or even tried to understand and not even he the most important person believed in or tried to understand that about me and then he said that it's because he always hears me use it as an excuse as to why I can't do something and I had to explain to him that, it's just literally the reason that some things are harder to do than other things and that it's not even all the time, and it doesn't stop me from doing anything.
We talked a little bit and he pet me to calm me down and said to me really softly that he understands and probably does more than anybody.

After that I felt like I had a lot of weight lifted off my heart because I've never admitted that before and I've never been told by anyone that they understand and actually believably mean it, and not just saying it because they were being paid to say it like a psychologist.

Then we had an argument later where the tables turned and he asked me a question and I gave him an opinion only vaguely related & then I used it as an example for what he does while we argue and I used the metaphor for how we weirdly communicate in the same exact way as being: “Like trying to use two keys from different sides of the same door at once.” In which I mean those really old doors where there's a keyhole from both sides and you can see through it not a tumbler lock like most modern doors.

His question was “Where do we find counseling for our type of relationship? How do we qualify people?” Before I go on, we do not have a traditional monogamous relationship. We're polyamorous.
My answer was: “we don't. We judge their advice and tailor it to suit us”
Eventually I just pulled something out of the air and gave him those as answers because he kept bringing it up but I still don't actually know what he was hoping to find as an answer and I still think that he cares too much about the personal life of someone he would basically be asking for impersonal advice/council from. I kind of want to phrase it to him this way, maybe he would understand better what I mean when I say he cares too much about the adviser/counselor and not the advice/council he's being given.

I actually generally spent my day cleaning and doing a bit of laundry and then drawing for I don't know how many hours trying to do a banner for my journal thread. I didn't even get past the sloppy part of the sketch when he reminded me that we were going to dinner with J.C and Kay & they were there.

I responded by getting dressed quickly in clothes I wore the day before. (black boatneck top and faded jeans with spikes around the hips. Converse, grey bandana.) I don't really own a lot of clothes.
We visited a little in our apartment & shared a bowl of green, and then walked downtown to a really nice but extremely darkly lit Italian restaurant where we started off with a bit of wine sauteed shrimp and bread and other dishes I don't even know the name of.
I chose the second bottle of wine (a merlo) and had that with our dinner. I had Linguini Di Rave which was basically fettuccine noodles, clams, mussels, and prawns. I don't remember anyone elses food but it was super delicious. I think Bubbles had Ravioli of some kind. I tasted his it was perfect. So perfect.

Then we ordered Vanilla Gelato with Espresso poured over it and left after J.C paid the bill around the hour of 21 or 22. In the alley out behind the restaurant we smoked another bowl and chatted idly for a bit before we wandered until we found a bar and J.C Kay and Bubbles had drinks while I had water cause I was so thirsty. This day ended somewhere around here.

With much love,
Zel.