Hey guys, I start my ceramics class today. Going back to West Valley!!! So that's cool. I hope it's fun and low stress. My meteorology class is stressful. Don't need more. Joseph's in Hawaii right now with Kevin and friends. Kevin's new girlfriend is pretty fat. Idk what his deal is with fat girls. Hahahaha. But Joseph says they are fighting a lot and breaking up and s**t. That would such to break up while on vacation and be stuck with that person. I'm struggling to keep my weight at 100 at this point. But now I feel like I absolutely have to because I have no choice. My boyfriend is 5'11" and 111 pounds. That's like my normal weight and I am 5'4"... So now I feel obligated to stay underweight even though he says he wouldn't care if I gained weight and that guys like girls with curves, not sticks. I like sticks though. I like sticks a lot.
It's been almost 3 weeks now. It will be 3 weeks tomorrow. Things are beginning to bother me. I don't know, I feel like I just can't do relationships. Maybe it would be better if I was with a girl. I don't know.
I started writing again. It helps so much. I'd kinda just rather write and forget the world. That way things don't hurt me and stuff. Everything's safe.
I completed treatment. So I'm done now. I made it through in record time considering I came from 80 pounds. I hope it doesn't happen again. One of the last things we did in treatment was this thing where we took our eating disorder to court to defend them or convict. Of course I had to go with convict so it looked like I was ready to peace out. But I don't hate my eating disorder at all. I feel like it did nothing wrong. It was me. I was the one who decided I wanted to go back and do it again. It was all me. She just helped me do it, which is exactly what I wanted. So I can't hate her.
I'm just trying to keep going at this point. Stay focused on school and writing.
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