sora wonk
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confession
******** off

good

well i mean, in defense of sofia coppola, a few years ago when i was a teenager and stupid, i would have considered opening a movie on a woman's a**.

if i were making the movie. i'd think, now this will grab their attention, perverts

i accidentally borrowed another sofia coppola film. the virgin suicides. i was gonna borrow the bling ring too and then i realized it was hers, so i got this one. can't seem to escape.

i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and hated both characters immediately. i feel like it's physically painful for jim carrey to pretend to be sad and serious and poetic, but he did a good job. and i wouldn't date either of them. clementine is extremely irritating. so irresponsible and dramatic. she annoyed me right away.

(i mostly hate her because she reminds me of my ex.)

i am ranting because i am feeling off, of course, why else would i be here

i wanted to rewatch millennium actress. i wish satoshi kon had not died. his movies make sense to me more than any other movies i know. miyazaki's okay, but a bit tame. not crazy enough. so then you sit around watching movies that aren't quite good enough and bitching loudly and feeling unamused and not distracted enough and not like anyone understands you though if you think a movie will sympathize with you maybe you should i don't know just

trypsin digestions take 11 hours the first day and 8 hours the second day and they must be done in a row

and i did two last week and i have one more next week and i ******** up the last one but hopefully it doesn't show i have dropped many test tubes

and if i continue working at this pace, i will be working for just under $3 an hour

and i don't know i can't seem to focus and i feel really restless and empty

and i keep writing stories but no one seems to like them because they're very scattered and the plot is poorly paced and the characters are all not in a good place mentally and the endings are not happy and also people you know just want the sex and the jokes and the plot spoon-fed

i mean watching eternal sunshine, i was just waiting for them to explain mary's relationship with howard, like i didn't want to extrapolate, i wanted to know, so i guess people reading my stories might be annoyed

well anyway i'm going to see my friends tomorrow even though i only have like $300 in the bank because they graduated so you kind of have to

and this job only pays a stipend in two installments and when is the first installment

and i have financial aid applications to fill out that are several months overdue

and i am trying to plan the new york trip for the kids who don't even love me, but i don't know i have nothing

and my father is sending me text messages about how stressed he is studying for his boards and that's why he keeps telling me to take a good rest and study for the mcat because he is working and he can't take a rest, he just has to study, he says he is so tired and wants to sleep but he has to study, so he is projecting

like most people do

like i think, a guy who always takes out so many dvds for fun, he probably has an unsatisfying life and he wants to escape reality just like me, but that's me projecting because if he loved me

and the thing is just because you feel strongly about someone, doesn't mean a thing. you can make yourself feel strongly about anyone, i'm sure, if you stuck around with them enough. if i were on a desert island with the last person on earth, i'd probably fall in love with her/him. but the annoying thing is, it's very hard to stop feeling strongly about someone. and you're like, why am i making myself unhappy, but you can't stop even though you started it yourself.

and then ke$ha starts singing your love is my drug smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif

and so i am reduced to complaining and living off food that can be cooked in a microwave

it'll be better when i hang out with my friends. they will remind me how to be normal. up goes the public face and takes a beating, gets stronger. tatamae i think. i have recently become very interested in boxing even though i never could do it myself. it kind of looks like a spiritual experience; beating the s**t out of somebody, in a restrained way.

but all i do to the people who care about me is ignore them because i don't ever like them as much. as i said, it's a circle that doesn't connect.

the worst part is, when you are in a bad spot, you start missing people you cut off for a reason. don't be a wuss. man the ******** up. or woman the ******** up. just grow the ******** up. human the ******** up. living thing the ******** up. respect the dead also.

goodbye.