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I know it's been ages since I've made a journal entry. I just didn't know what to write in it. Life has been kinda hectic for some time now. Parents divorced, Dad and I moved out of our house and into his step-mom's, Mom moved into ours. One of my brothers moved in with her, bringing his gf along. Currently not getting along well with him. Not getting along well with my mother either...College is stuck in a way. I'm a loans student since I didn't qualify for a scholarship. Turns out the loan for my trimester last August was sent back and we got stuck with the debt. Until its paid, I can't sign up for classes. What does this mean? The majority of the time, I'm stuck at home with barely anything to do. I have just lost the love for things that I adored to do, whether it's drawing, writing, reading, video games, etc. Dad did get me more jobs for me to do, but even so, I can't help feeling...empty. I was taken off the Abilify and the only medication I'm still on is Zoloft. I was quite overjoyed when the doctor told me that(Still hate taking the Zoloft though). Ever since we moved, my feeling of loneliness has only progressively gotten worse. Now, I don't mean I don't go to college to see friends or go out with friends and the like. I mean when they're all busy. The grandmother I live with, we don't really talk. Plus she is constantly complaining about me, so that doesn't help at all. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. Dad and her talk far more to each other than either of them talk to me. I have tried joining their conversations, but it's always about things that I have nothing to contribute to. Thus, the only thing I can do is just be online and talk with friends from there. But even they aren't always online. That leads to them complaining about how I'm on the laptop all the time. Just today, something unexpected happened. Grandmother was cooking some soup. A bit later, I asked about the soup. What do they do? Dad says that if I wasn't on the laptop all the time, I'd have known that she was cooking soup. Grandmother adds that if I had gone into the kitchen, I'd known about the soup. I don't really care about my grandmother talking bad about me, but my dad doing that as well? It was just a hard blow to me. Ever since the whole battle between my parents, I have done my best to not pick sides, but sometimes, I would just go with my dad. I'm probably wrong in my way of doing things, but I don't know what else to do. I don't expect anyone to read this entry or comment on it, I was just wanting to try to express my feelings in a way that wouldn't hurt anyone. But if you did read, just thanks for reading, I guess...





 
 
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