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Journal of me life.
Beware, this is where I turn off my filter, so you MAY OR MAY NOT be offended to what I write in here. I just let out all my feelings in this journal. So don't read if you're really sensitive.
So it happened again...
Dana disappeared again.. :/
3 nights ago she finally came back, after just getting out of the hospital. Apparently she caught pnemonia, so basically I did the right thing by expecting the worst outcome.. But then, she disappears again... I feel like I'm being toyed with by all forces of nature. It's saying to me, "Awwh... Well aren't you both the cutest, perfect couple. ^^ Well, I can fix that! *hurts Dana* HAHA!! Whatcha gonna do now, Tommy-boy? No matter who you find that's a perfect match for you, I will always come and take her away. I'll always win, and you'll always lose Tommy... One way or another. smilies/icon_smile.gif"

.......

I honestly feel like that's what nature is saying to me.

But then something else happened which kinda threw a curve ball at the whole situation: A girl from my school named Stephanie asked me out on a date! O_______________O

Let me re-iterate, this is NOT a girl I met online! This is a girl I met at school, Post University to be exact... So yeah, Stephanie actually asked me out on a date, and after giving it some good thought, I decided to accept her invite.

I figured this: As much as I love Dana and think she could be an absolute perfect match for me, it's very uncertain whether Dana could even come to Connecticut or not, and while communication is certainly important, physical contact with someone in person is also very important. You need both really, not just one or the other.. And as for Stephanie, well, this will be the first date I have ever gotten the chance to be on! I'm totally amazed that it happened...

But on the other hand........

It happened at awkward timing for me..... Dana disappeared again, and I don't know where she is, how she's doing, what happened to her, etc... but I still love her.... :/
I connected with Dana so well, much better than any other girl.... She's basically perfect in every way I could ever want.... But now it feels like I'm being forced away from someone I know I have a good connection with (Dana), and now I'm going out on this date with a girl who I sorta like, but I'm still not sure about (Stephanie)... I might not even be able to talk to her and appreciate her and connect with her the same way I could with Dana...

For the most part, me and Stephanie get along pretty well, but like.... here's an example of what bothers me about her:

The other night when me and Stephanie were at the mall (as just friends at that point), we were walking through, and I simply asked her "So, did you sign up for fall classes yet? :3", to which Stephanie sighed "Yes I did..." She didn't make any eye contact with me, and she said it in such a tone, like she was super-annoyed with me for some reason. After that point, I shut my mouth and stayed silent for at least 10 minutes, and it was just silence. Yeah, she's certainly no Dana... >.>

I mean, I want to like Stephanie, but if I don't connect with her in the same indescribable way that I do with Dana, I'll be more reluctant to want to be with her... I want a girl who is special to me....... Really special... And so far, the only girl I feel like that with right now happens to be Dana.. :/

This really has been one of those weeks where I don't know if I want to be happy or sad.... I'm amazed and thrilled that I finally got the chance to go out on a real date with somebody, but at the same time, I feel like I'm being forced to let go of the one person who means so ******** much to me...

I feel incredibly lost and disoriented.

And now there are tears in my eyes, so I'm gonna end it here.





 
 
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