Basically, there's been nothing but stress and depression lately. I haven't been writing lots of journals, because I'm sort of "between friends" here on Gaia. But, I feel like i should make a record of something, if for no one but myself.
Lately, I've been waking up past noon. And, that doesn't mean I've been sleeping a lot. My insomnia has been horrible. I've been depressed for quite a while. I have no late-night friends on Gaia anymore, which is probably my fault. I've been stressed like crazy, which is probably leading to the worsened sleeping issues, and the chronic depression. I can't write. I can't get interested in anything. I just burn my life, staring at bright screens in the darkness of my room. Anything to just numb my way through it.
Everyone just feels like they can relate. People talk to me and say "Oh, don't be depressed! It's always darkest before dawn!" But, I know better, since I'm not part of some fairy tale dream. I know things will probably get better. But, the present is where I am, and therefor it is my everything. And for quite some time now, the present has completely sucked. It's 7 am, and I haven't slept. I'm so mad, because the weather forecast said it would rain yesterday and today. And then, it didn't. So, i checked it, and now it says it'll be sunny. Which means relentless heat, and no music at work. I can't talk to friends. I usually can't find the willpower to even approach them, and when I do, I swear that they avoid me. I think they sense the dark cloud over my head. It's fine, though. All I really need is the TV right now... so I can drift into an apathetic haze, and just maybe end up somewhere that doesn't suck quite so bad. So far, weeks have gone by, and life is just as sucky as ever. But, to the handful of people who end up reading this, I hope you're making some memories. Because, as each day goes by, they disappear into a gray area that i will never remember. I can hardly remember what I did yesterday. I might as well be dead, in this period of my life.
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