My little review/rant of... My Little Pony: Escape from Catrina
The very first thing to notice is the change in character design of the ponys! Now the ponys are more detailed with elaborate manes and tails. They are also more stocky in build and I think they look closer to the actual pony toys at the time. I like the redesign better... trouble is the animation is still cheap and obviously has a hard time keeping track of all the details to animate. But again I'm giving it a pass because...... ponys. ALTHOUGH that pass doesn't mean I like this movie! Everything that happens in it is just glossed over... which kinda sucks because the bad guys this time have an actual backstory, and could have been interesting. Oh but wait... nuanced story?... interesting characters?... plot development?... NO WAY! Get that crap outta here! Just speed though it all with pretty colors and random songs!!!
To begin, the opening sequence... the song is a bit different this time around. And I dont like it as much as the "MLP Midnight Castle" version. But it's still nice and fits the pony style fine. And the one time narrator learned to say the guest star names before the song this time!
As for the story... it starts off with the ponys playing games and partying, while decorating for a welcome back party for that waste of flesh Megan. Even the horrifying sea ponys have showed up for the party... but I dont trust'em... not at all.
Anyway, while everyone is in there happiness bubble... the official screwup of the village Sundance accidentally rips up the 'welcome back shitlord' sign. And all the ponys get pissed off at her... holding back the urge to run her out of town for shaming them before the great master Dream Castle.
Meanwhile, down in a cave... the bush woolies, basically multicolored Critters (remember that movie? ha ha ha... yea, sorry), slave away making some green power potion s**t for a big creepy cat witch. The creepy cat witch's boyfriend, a shapeshifting lizard guy, is the taskmaster keeping the dumb-as-a-brick woolies from running away.
Sound retarded??? Yep! Sure is!
Now the bush woolies are tired of being slaves... yea, "tired"... because before, the whole "slave" thing was cool and fun... but now they are TIRED?! Sure! Sooooo the woolie leader... uh, purple guy?... because names are for suckers... tells the lizard taskmaster Rep that they are gonna bolt. But evil cat witch Catrina overhears their stupidity and yells a lot while threatening to kill purple bush woolie. It turns out that Rep is really a nice "bad guy" and saves the purple woolie from Catrina. But the stupid cat witch is always to busy screaming like a harpy to notice her only REAL henchman is totally gotta turncoat all over her! Oh well... just scream at things and everyone obays orders! And they had better... because the supply of green potion s**t is going down... and the need to enslave some ponys is go'in up!!!
Obviously I dont like Catrina at all. And not because she enslaved an entire species of fluffy morph balls.... or because she clearly abuses her lizard dude boyfriend... or even the fact that she wants to enslave the ponys next to make her more evil green potion s**t.... nope, it's all her damn SCREAMING!!! uh... shut the hell up! every scene she is in makes you want to spay her with a rusty fork!!! *uuuhhhhhhhh!*
Back at the all mighty Dream Castle...
The pony folk are hanging more 'welcome back Megan, no one cares' signs when durp-de-durp Sundance screws up yet again by trying to damn hard to "help" with the pointless decorations. And as everyone knows, ponys don't take s**t off nobody!... so they drag Sundance away to the hellish glitter filled dungeons of Dream Castle for 1000000000 years, and all rejoice. But who cares about hopless souls rotting in sparkle prison...because the human monster Megan has finally arrived! ...all rejoice... again!!!
And the high ponys get from rejoicing must be really damn good because out of nowhere they entrust this failed monkey girl with the Rainbow of Light! Why?! Because she handled the insanity spectrum so well in the last movie?! And we all know Rainbows aren't dangerous right?! RIGHT?!?!?
Now this is when the My Little Pony toy manufacturers... uh... I mean the movie decides to officially introduce the new characters/toy line "baby ponys". This is also when Megan is told about the newest pony rave called the Costume Ball, and randomly, its now her job to force the baby ponys to take a nap before the party. Sadly for the viewers, they sing the song "Let's Not Take A Nap". The song is not horrible... but its clearly just a bit of fluff to hurry the dumb story along. Luckily baby ponys are narcoleptic... so after a few spaz outs... the pony pups fall asleep without their usual daily beatings.
Meanwhile... at screaming furry land... Catrina is pissed about her slave tribbles being to much trouble and gears up to do some pony bashing! Turns out Rep is now a huge brony and asks Catrina to not slaughter the innocent. But Catrina LOLs saying 'bronys are gay' while trying to freeze her prancing victims into submission. The ponys fight back with their Rainbow Cannon of Light as they brohoof like a boss! And Catrina screams yet again about how much of a failure she is... and how creepy furrys can be. Rep (in his 'Fluttershy is best pony' t-shirt) tells Catrina that she should just leave the ponys alone and that it's the green potion s**t making her all mean and overlord-y.
Then Rep regrettably breaks out into song with "Good Old Days". The song itself is awful... BUT it is probably the most interesting song in the movie because it gives the otherwise very hollow villains some back story! Not much mind you, but at least SOME effort was attempted in this fluff of a movie.
But Catrina likes being a Sith Lord and slices up Rep's memories of their young love with her red lightsaber. Then she stomps on all of Rep's My Little Pony toys... no... COLLECTABLES... and makes him go steel the Rainbow of Light so the ponys are left defenseless.
Back at the pony party blow out bash... nearly being frozen to death is just another day in the life of all ponys... i guess... because they dont give a crap someone just tried to kill them! Dream Castle has spoken... the Costume Ball must go on! Good thing pretty dresses cover frostbite.
All the ponys are doing party stuff while Megan helps the baby ponys be more vain and self absorbed by reminding them that they have no value unless they wear expensive clothes and pray on their friends insecurities. Moondancer is the last baby pony to get dressed... because horses in dresses is not dumb at all... and is given the Rainbow of Light to wear as an accessory for the party. And since tard Megan is sooooo good at making wise decisions, you know that giving a child an ultimate weapon won't end badly at all.
Now this next part is the coolest because ya see the creepiest pony EVER!
As baby Moondancer, wearing the locket/death rainbow, is walking to the Costume Ball... Rep stops her disguised as another pony to try and trick her into giving him the Rainbow. Rep makes an AWESOME pony!!! All dark green with creepy yellow eyes... and... uh... a nurses hat. Ok maybe one of Rep's weird doctor fetishes snuck in there... but I don't care! Rep pony is Best Pony! He should have had a tiny lizard cutie mark to go with it!!! XD
But ya know... Rep pony got me thinking about all of them there pony peoples. If Rep is a boy... and his pony self looks just like the girl ponys... who's to say ALL the little boy ponys aren't being mistaken for girls in these movies?! There are baby ponys after all... so somepony had to be do'in it like they do on the discovery channel for them kids to exist! Maybe in pony society there is no distinction between girl and boy styles... all that matters is to be as cute/pretty as possible??? Even in our normal boring human world most of us can't tell in a herd of ponys/horses which ones are girls and boys. And not every species of animal has noticeable differences between genders. So I'm just say'in... HALF of all those pretty ponys ya see frolicking around with perfect curles and fancy ribbons in their manes and tails... are men! The toughest and bravest of all MEN!!! Maybe Firefly... and Sundance... and even baby Moondancer... are the manliest men ponys to ever live in Dream Castle!
....Mysteries of life we may never know the answer to...
Well, back to the story.... huge surprise... Rep and Catrina steal away the Rainbow of Light and kidnap the baby pony all in one go.
Now a gang of ponys with Megan set off to find Catrina and kick her a**! But just as you think... no... hope... the movie forgot all about the dumb woolies... the pony gang stumble across them. And the weirdo woolies dont do something normal like act surprised at seeing new possibly deadly creatures... nope, they start to dance and ask if the ponys 'like them' and if the 'look good'...what?!?!? Yep! Now remember kids... you will only be liked if you look good... this message brought to you by My Little Pony, teaching us all to be more judgmental, one cartoon at a time.
So the ponys, Megan and the woolies rattle the tiny bells in their heads were their brains should be for a while... then the woolies decide to help by showing the pony posse where Catrina's hidout cave is.
To speed things along the pony fellowship conveniently falls right into the crazy cat lady workshop, and Catrina, striking her best villain pose, screams for the ponys to be her slaves. All the ponys in unison yell back "no!"... and hilariously, Catrina instantly changes her demands and offers to give back the rainbow in trade for pony enslavement. Again the ponys yell "no!", so Catrina threatens to toss the kidnapped baby pony into the huge vat of green potion s**t!
Then Rep gets pissed... decides not to use the battered lizard boyfriends hotline... and handles this crazy cat b***h himself! Rep turns into the raging bull, and lays down the law all over Catrina's fuzzy a**! And now Catrina is the one slowly slipping into the vat of green potion. She begs and pleads for Rep to save her... which is super retarded because she has been drinking this green s**t all throughout the movie... but NOW it's suddenly deadly?!?! Rep even gives her some more potion so she can distroy the potion making machine... yea so deadly. Anywho... Catrina promises big boss Rep she will try to keep her villain tendencies to a minimum. And Rep promises not to press charges for all the domestic violence.... which was probably ALL part of Catrina's cruel plan to trick poor Rep into a false sense of security! ...and before ya know it she will be backhand'in him all over again while yell'in its his fault for making her mad and how he should have known better while jonesing for a potion fix... evil cat witches just ain't no good...
But who cares about troubled relationships and threats of enslavement! Its time for a fashion show!!! ...yea... ok... right there in the ex-slave work pit... a FASHION SHOW?!?!?!!! What the hell ponys?!?! I know ya didn't have to do much to defeat the bad guy this time... but you don't use the extra movie time for a damn fashion show!!! I can only guess it's supposed to be the Costume Ball the ponys were getting ready for earlier in the flick... but still... you're gonna have your pony Ball right in the way-to-quickly-reformed villain's lair?!? really? REALLY???????
Uhh... I don't know why I bother to even question it....
...and regardless of how hard I wished... Megan survived the movie. So I guess I can call this a sad ending.... the pony citizens will have to endure her yet again in sequels... so very sad...
Oh... and Spike was in this movie. Even he has no idea why...
My Little Pony... all da pertty colurs
My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to watch ALL movies and episodes of My Little Pony starting from the first G1 cartoons and struggling all the way up to the current G4 series... how long will I last?