------The smell of cigarettes, when I think about it, my mother's face comes into my head. I know its a bad connection, mothers are supposed to be caring and loving and all these images of flowers and hearts. I know there's a lot of people with mom issues too, my mother had them herself. But I don't wanna talk about my issues with my mom. Cause we both inflicted harm upon each other in the pasts and what not, so I have to take responsibility too.
------But back to the topic, the smell of cigarettes. I also think of maturity, perhaps even adulthood. I remember in this graphic novel I read, Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi, she's eight years old if I recall correctly, but she stole a cigarette from her uncle, and in the end of the chapter she smokes it. Her reasoning was that she needed to grow up, and be an adult. Later on in Persepolis II she is an adult who is a full blown smoker. That's not what the novel is about, and I shouldn't be taking that connection and putting it towards me, after all she did grow up during the Iranian Cultural Revolution.
------Maybe you find yourself asking, If I'm in a crossroad deciding weather I should smoke or not. I guess the answer to your question is uncertainty, I'm not even sure if I'm at that crossroad myself. Its a all a big haze, or maybe one giant smoke cloud itself. Or maybe you find yourself asking why, why would I inflict such harm upon my body. Maybe its cause of stress, or perhaps that need to be an adult, or perhaps even the subtle curiosity. But as I said, Its very hazy, and indecisiveness loves me. Its strange why I'm thinking the smell of cigarettes, or smoking in general. I've been as of the past few months in peace with myself, also probably less journal entries. I probably don't need cigarettes, but the topic came to me during the bus stop, and I answered its call by pondering upon it.
------I know, there are health risks and what not, but what's the point you know? If we're all going to die anyways, might as well experience everything there is to experience. Perhaps I'll start smoking If I ever enlist and serve after college, though that itself is not definite as the universe has its ironic ways of telling us no, and ******** up our plans we set for the future. I've been reading Watchmen, the graphic novel as of late, I find myself wishing I had Dr. Manhattan's abilities, but maybe that is just that desire born from powerlessness; but that's a different subject overall. I'm just thinking, if I was him I'd smoke, without having to worry about suffering
------What image do you paint in your head when you think of the smell of cigarettes? and What's your opinion with the topic itself, I don't know about it myself, as I said before; the indecision is real.
Anyways, thanks for reading, this is Anikacy, Signing out!
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