It's 5:11…and I still can't sleep…and i'm stressin'
But I know that right now, I have a lot of feelings. I'm getting frustrated and I'm almost at the point where I can see desperation kicking in.
Yesterday (or the day before yesterday) ended up feeling really rough where I was on the verge of crying a few times, which is the worst. Like…I have an emotional buildup that I can't release.
I really want to get away from what I'm doing now. I'm blessed to have a job and to be self-sufficient but I don't want to get complacent and I need to keep growing. As I constantly say, this all would be amazing if I didn't spend 4 years and a billion dollars going to college but since I did…..it's time to move on.
Mighty Writers is a great organization but I don't want to work with kids. That's just not something I'm into. I emailed IVC to try to get my international relations on, but of course they have no spots open or availability and invite me to come to their receptions and meet a few people. xp
On top of all that, I'm two seconds away from getting fired at the Courtyard for being late. The whole situation is bullshit in my opinion. Long story short I got written up for being late when I covered for Dean a week or so ago. Devon broke his finger so Dean worked Night Audit. I understood that some schedule shifting had to occur so when Keisha called me (while I was at the Rad working overnight) to come in at 12n I agreed to help the team. Clocked in at 12:20.
I don't know…it's all just really….frustrating.
I went to Nikki to learn more about the "Guaranteed Fair Treatment" situation and per usual she was erred on the side of bixchy. At first she wasn't even trying to see me with the claim that it was after the 72 hours period that I had to file which already set me off. My only issue with GFT is that I don't think that it was necessarily "unfair" but I do just want some understanding. Again, most of those latenesses occurred when I was a) getting accustomed to my new schedule and b) had to ride my bike in the snow and would like Nov/Dec to be stricken…especially since they want to wait a whole year for them to rollover. That's neither here nor there tho. I'll wait for another time to use GFT and HOPEFULLY by the end of the summer, I will have voluntarily left that place anyway.
It doesn't help that Rob was also texting me sexual innuendos throughout the day, came over that night before I went to work, and I tried to have sex with him but he denied me. Eventually, he got up put his clothes on and left so it almost felt like a triple rejection for that day gonk
I just…. can't…
I know yesterday Terry posted a status on Facebook about feeling defeated. I know I shared the exact same sentiment.
Germaine wants me to work four days next week and I'm supposed to be going to NY with Hazel for Preston's birthday party. I'm going to be super low-key, pack a small backpack of a few items, and just hit it. This is literally an overnight trip. We'll get to NYC around 12:30am, the party is 12 hours later, and that evening we'll hit it back. Ugh…
I honestly don't feel like doing much of anything. I also might need to take a day or so to really focus on me, my next steps, and laying out my options. I don't want to put in too much work that I'm not getting paid for or have a guaranteed stake in, but I would like to leave PHL, start a career, and maybe even go back to school.
*sigh*
To be continued...
Mood: Down sad Music: "Crybaby" - Mariah Carey featuring Snopp Dogg from Rainbow Music(2): "Babydoll" - Mariah Carey from Butterfly
Ryonosuke · Sat Mar 29, 2014 @ 10:35am · 0 Comments |