So this will be my third week back since I visited Alberta for my third time. And since I've been back a lot of my anxieties have resurfaced and I'm a little confused why. My depression has never fully disappeared; just kept it's distance, but it's slowly crept it's way back and I find myself crying a lot mostly over absolutely nothing. It doesn't help that my boyfriend has been putting a lot of pressure on me lately.
I find it unfair to judge a person based on only YOUR experiences, everyone has their own story, their own experiences and to judge them only on yours in my eyes is being narrowed minded.
If I leave Ontario to live with my boyfriend in Alberta I will be giving up my job of three years, in that time I've made a decent amount of money and had gotten raises each year. I told my boyfriend if I were to leave my job it would have to be for something that will give me roughly the same amount of money, there is no way I am starting from the bottom and working my way up all over again especially if he expects me to leave my life here to be with him, giving up my job, and my family.
He told me I was being ridiculous and then basically rubbed his education in my face. I may of dropped out of my program in college, but that doesn't mean I have any less of an education. Sometimes I feel like he thinks I'm dumb, and I really hate that sometimes. He says I hate my job, and that's not entirely true, it may not be my ideal job but I just like working, but like every job there are pros and cons, and somethings just upset you. It's not my job that I hate, it's the people there that I dislike, I hate how people can be so lazy.
It's not right to judge me when it comes to jobs especially when we live in two very different provinces, he lives in a place where jobs are unlimited and easy to get to a place where I live where jobs are scarce and almost impossible to find, the cost of living here is high.
This has been a constant argument, he wants me to move now, but I feel he doesn't realize everything I would be giving up, and that's not fair either. I would give up my job, and won't get to see my family I won't get to see them often maybe twice a year if I am expected to take on a full time job. And that makes me incredibly sad. Talking about it or thinking about it makes me cry. Anyways this is where I am at right now.
Sad, miserable, confused and alone.
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