Suicide

I almost did it again
I was really scared inside
I couldn't take this pain anymore
This depression, it's taking over
I only had thoughts

For weeks I was planning
I was getting ready
Pills and rope that way I know I won't survive
I was at the bleachers crying my heart out
I didn't want to write the note

I tried to contact her, but I was told not to call anymore
That killed me a lot inside
I finally sat outside and thought, maybe it's time
I went back to get my journal and started the note
Hours went by while I cried

They can say I'm "over dramatic" all they want
They don't understand the pain I feel inside
How many times I cry myself to sleep
How many times I blame myself, for everything
They will never understand

I was writing to everyone, I wanted my last words to be enough
I only got to three, then she came
Thank God she did
I would be dead right now

I was isolating for awhile, not even smiling
I was never asked, hey are you feeling down?
So my plan was set, I was ready to go
But wait, what if she comes by? What do I say?
Promised myself if she came I would tell her

I remember explaining what I was feeling, and crying
I felt like I was going to be sick
This is a touchy subject for me
I wanted to walk away from her, forever
I'm glad I didn't

I have to let people know when I'm down, I know
Instead of laughing and smiling like nothing's wrong
I know it was wrong
It was very deceiving and I'm sorry
I don't know how to tell someone

It's hard to sit there everyday
While suicide is always on your mind
Wanting to go run and cry
And to leave this world behind