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The Thoughts of a (gay) Boy
Gay to Normal
I never really express the desire to want to be normal so i'll write about it. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years and I love him more than life itself and one day I want a family with him and I want to be married to him but when I was little I didn't dream about marrying a guy and adopting children. That wasn't my dream. I dreamed of having a wife and biological kids and being happy and spending forever with them. When I heard people argue that being gay is a choice I try to look at it through multiple perspectives.
A) Okay maybe some people do like the idea of being gay or the attention you get from it.

B) Straight people don't have the slightest idea how someone could actually be attracted to the same sex so they don't know any better because they simply just don't know and that's not their fault

And C) my perspective, I did not choose to be gay but I choose to live a "gay life style" by being open and having a boyfriend.

A lot of people that know me, know how stereo-typically obvious it is that I am gay but they really don't know how if I could change who I am and what I feel I would do it in a second because I don't want this. I don't want to be attracted to guys, I don't want to be judged and hated by people who know nothing about me other than the fact I like guys. People say "homophobic" people just don't understand and that's why they are the way they are but the thing is I don't understand it either. I didn't wake up one day and just decide to be different. I didn't go to bed dreaming about what I'd be wearing on the day of my civil union or what country I want to adopt my children from or what people will say when they see my husband and I walking down the street with our kids and make them feel uncomfortable. I don't want to make people uncomfortable. My extended family and I are close and they make it obvious that they are prejudice against gays and I don't say anything when they do make those remarks because I don't want to make them uncomfortable.
I don't understand the barriers between a straight person and a gay person, why can't we just be people who like other people. Why does 2 men or 2 women holding hands stand out so much? Why do we, as a human race always have to through the adjective gay in our sentences about gay people. When you see a family of a male and a female and children it's just "Look at that family" but replace that male with another female and it's "Look at that lesbian family". I can understand why people kill themselves over sexuality, how can one live a life they don't understand? That doesn't make sense? Why am I gay and my brothers and sisters aren't? This something that in America sent people to hospitals as early as 30 years ago, this was considered a mental illness and in some places today it is a crime punishable by death. I have a lot of gay friends and a couple girl friends and no straight guy friends. I couldn't even imagine having a guy friend who wasn't gay and having them spend the night and sit with them at lunch at school and everything be cool between us and the rest of the school be okay with it. That isn't how my life is. My boyfriend doesn't go to the same school i go to and he isn't open to many people at his school and he talks about all his straight guy friends and I can't even imagine it and sometimes it makes me jealous only because he doesn't get the stares I get or the giggles or the names or shoves. No one looks at him differently and it almost makes me want him to be out and think "it isn't fair because you're like me, you're what I am and you're not getting treated like it" that's me being selfish though because I don't wish this upon anyone. I'm not saying being gay is an awful thing or it's wrong or you shouldn't come out. These are just my thoughts and how I feel from personal experiences.






User Comments: [1] [add]
iIIuminaughty
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Thu May 08, 2014 @ 01:43am
I still love your journal entries.


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User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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