why didn`t you let me explain myself to you today? i knew i should have been more careful, i knew i was stupid for wanting to bring shalbriri on my last mission. i knew it was stupid when my last mission was . . . well, you know, because you saw me. i know you did. i watched your face light up. i watched your eyes scan me for changes, for scars, and i watched your face consequently fall when you saw the baby in my arms.
it isn`t my kid, you idiot! you should have known that. it almost . . . almost hurts that you didn`t. i`m too young to do that sort of stuff! though maybe that`s why you looked so hurt. so disgusted. you thought they did this to me, didn`t you? ugh, why didn`t you let me explain myself? why did you leave? i`m sorry. i should have been more careful.
i think i`m starting to realize what careful is. i`m scared that you`re going to come after me, soon. i`m scared that "i`m sorry" won`t be enough.
. . .
i`m scared that "i`m sorry" was never enough.
i think i`m starting to get things now. i think i know what i have to do. i have to sit at home and be a good girl, a good "queen". i need to protect my son. protect him from you. from everyone. EVERYONE. you`re all going to hurt him. you`re all going to realize, soon, and you`re all going to try and take him from me. you especially. you especially because you`ll never believe me when i say he isn`t mine. you especially because i will probably never tell you he isn`t mine. he`s old enough to understand what that would mean. i`ll tell him when he`s old enough to understand that it doesn`t matter.
stay away from my son. stay away from me. i will make sure he grows up perfect. he`ll be perfect and if you so much as look at him i will tear your eyes from your skull.
i hate you. do you hear me? i hate you for judging me so quickly. i hate you for not letting me speak. i hate you for giving me this look of pity and loathing and i hate you more than anything for pitying me. shalbriri will never be pitied. even if he`s disabled. even if he`s albino and weird and when he walks his joints make weird crack noises.
he will never. be pitied.
he will be feared.
And The Sun Shines
· Mon Mar 10, 2014 @ 07:15pm · 0 Comments