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The Integral Collapse
------I want to lay down and decay through the vast expanse of time, watching, the stars move slowly as I orbit and rotate in this world. I want to breathe in the ashes, as I burn in the flames of rebirth, maybe be reborn into a new world. I want to sleep into mental limbo, where I will be one with myself in my own singularity of my dream state.

------I'll stop with the poetic bullshit. Lets be honest here, I'm collapsing, internally. I feel so empty, so drained, so lifeless. I have no inspiration to do anything anymore. Not even playing my instrument, which usually gives me joy and focus, feels right anymore. The amount of schoolwork, has just been piling up. Ed's doing his best to lift me up with him, but I can't even pick myself up. It's pathetic, I don't know why I feel like this. As if all the sudden, all the existential questions that I've been searching for of who I am, and what will I be in this world, has no purpose anymore, they don't matter anymore. This lack of drive, lack of will is tearing me apart.

------I know I have friends who help me pull through and s**t, but I don't know about this one. You can't really help someone who doesn't have the will to help themselves... I don't know anymore. I don't even wanna finish this entry. Maybe I should just...





 
 
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