Lately so much has been going on, I just can't keep all of this straight. My family's falling apart, my brother is an a*****e, I'm in love with someone I can never be with, I just had surgery...I keep reminding myself to hold my head up and press on. The people in my life certainly help. And Thea, oh Thea, I don't know what I'd do without her, honestly. It surprises me sometimes, how much people really do care. Every once in a while something will happen or someone will tell me something, and my heart will just fill with warmth. For someone who is always searching for approval from others, it means the world to me.
However, I suppose much of my problem is I'm constantly searching for approval. Perhaps if I let go just a little, I wouldn't be bothered by petty opinions, and much of the weight would be taken off of my shoulders. The questions is, how do I do that? I've been this way so long. I just feel like I keep ruining things for all of the lovely people I come across, and I try so hard not to be a bother, but in the end I always end up being one. I make one little mistake, and suddenly I feel like everyone's judging me. Oh how easy it would be to disappear when I feel this way, and up to this point I have. When I feel like something is too broken, I disappear, leaving all behind. But something about the people I've met on here gives me assurance. For once I feel as if I'm not broken and hopeless. What I mean to say is...I feel like I'm somebody.
I'll turn to them and just hope that everything sorts itself out.
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