So today I came to the conclusion that I need to make a critical change regarding my relationship. I will be telling the person I am dating, that I am breaking up with him. I shouldn't have to cover up all the misdeeds to my friends by making excuses. His affection towards me was normally only fueled by his sexual desires. I'm finished with his inability to talk to me when he's upset. He would only resort to sending me angry/passive aggressive text messages. It's been about 8 hours since I've last spoken to him, and he has yet to apologize for what he had said to me. Somehow I don't feel that making the other person think it's their fault for an argument is the right form of a relationship. My friends have noticed, and 4 of them approached me saying they were concerned about relationship. If others can see the problems, I think that is the biggest cue.
My patience stopped being a virtue when I started accepting the mistreatment. Patience can also be a vice, as quoted by Socrates. While Socrates has no moral ground in which to speak of relationships, I can agree that sometimes too much of a virtue can be a problem. I'm angry because I know I am stronger than this. No I wasn't physically beaten in this relationship, but emotionally I was. I'm angry I let this happen to me. After watching my mother go through a negative relationship when I was 14, I feel like I let myself down. I'm not bragging or trying to sound like a saint when I say that I know I am a strong woman. I don't flaunt it, and only a few people have ever seen me stick up for something when it's wrong. Almost everyone thinks I'm this small woman who is timid because of my soft voice. I speak softly because I try to not become angry, and when I do speak up, it takes people by surprise. As someone who is trained in classical opera, I can proudly say I can yell over about 100 people. I've only had to do that once. I save that voice for when I really need it. It's hilarious when my voice teacher warns me not to speak softly. She thinks I will be taken advantage of. If anyone ever causes me harm again, I will make them look me in the eyes, and force them to see their misdeed reflected back at them, as well as their own fear.
I am the bravery my father lost, and I have the intelligence my mother never had.
“Speaking of your body, I’m sensing something different about you.” He removed his finger from her chin, and trailed his knuckle down the front of her robes, stopping at her lower stomach. “Ah!” Kairos released a breath of surprise, cupped Fairen’s belly, and began to slowly stroke it using his thumb.
“Fairen, when were you going to tell me the joyous news that you’re carrying our child?” He asked, disguising the heartache in his voice to sound affectionate.
Fairen’s heart wouldn’t slow its pace. The feeling of being violated by someone she loved crippled her soul. With each caress of his fingertips against her womb, the feeling of betrayal surged.
“You have lost any claim to our child when you joined the dark side! You were gone when I felt him quicken within me! How can you stand there and ask why when I was going to tell you?”
Her eyes became iridescent from the tears welling up.
“Our son reaches out for both of us, and you can feel it too. He knows I’m here. Are you going to deny him his father, or his family for that matter?”
I just want to add that I have never been pregnant, nor do I plan to be for about 9-10 years. However, writing this portion of the story made me actually feel uncomfortable. I can only imagine how intimate it is between two people to feel their unborn child, but having someone that turned to evil deeds touch you like that...well it was unsettling for me. I don't know, it's almost more uncomfortable for me to write this, than it is to write about murder or something. Trying to imagine a man doing that to me in a positive way is alien, let alone some a*****e who decided to join the dark side haha. I'm probably going to be dreaming about it -_- great creepy dreams.
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