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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
Trying to avoid being swallowed by debt
2 Trips to the ER, 2 dentist visits, and a whopping mound of debt piling at my feet. ********' a.

Chloes mom paid for my dentist visits (roughly $3k) and gave us enough money to pay off the rest of the medical bills ($800).. $3.8k that wasn't ours to begin with.

We have $500 right now in our bank account, and we still have to get chloes car window fixed at the very least, and and the most get a lot of work done to get it legal again.

We also have to pay $1400 now in taxes on the house.. which is where our tax returns are going. I'm working less days at work, too.. ******** 3 days .. I make $320 a week, which roughly translate to $276 after taxes. I stopped using my charge account at work because I need to keep my head above water. Our electric bill alone this month is $300.. we split all our utilities, so I only pay $150 of it, but I also have a $100 phone bill.. $250 out of a $276 pay check.. yeah, that leaves me a lot of wiggle room.

I was going to use my tax return to buy a PS4, or atleast some new games.. but lol nope that's not going to happen either. Getting sick like this royally ******** us over.

I know once I get better, once I can stabilize, everything will be OK. I know there's help if we need it, and we're still not in debt like we used to be.. but god damn do I feel like I'm drowning.

Every breath I take feels like I'm inhaling water, because it's a colossal amount of stress. This isn't even the only thing I'm worried about; I have a lot of things I worry about outside of $$$...

After the massive surgical operations (and me almost dying) I still have teeth pain. I'm hoping it's nothing serious and that I don't have to go back to the dentist (because I can't ******** afford it) and I'm never going to the ER again, unless I'm literally laying on my death bed and the only way I can be saved is by going to the ER, because they ******** you in the a** with medical costs.

So I'm worried I might actually have to revisit a dentist. I'm worried about Chloe getting pulled over and given thousands of dollars worth of tickets, possibly jail time, and having her license revoked because of how bad of shape her cars in. I'm worried about Chloe's mental health as a whole because she seems like she's teetering and there's ******** nothing I can do to save her. I can only be supportive and be there when she needs me.. but I can't go into her head and make everything OK. I just don't have the power.

I worry about my job, I worry about my future. I'm going to be 26, and I'm still working in a shitty gas station. That's not abnormal, a lot of people my age work part time jobs because the world we live in today is ******** s**t. Everything has gone to hell in a handbasket, and the people who put us here are still filling their ******** gold chariots with diamonds, while we're here having a mental break down because our electric bill was $100 more than we expected.

I don't want to live pay check to pay check, but that's how these things go; I was told that even people with high paying jobs still live pay check to pay check because they get used to having that amount of money and the luxuries that come along with it. Very few people are intelligent enough to live freely.. and I try. I had a lot of money saved up before I got sick.. I had $400 (well a lot considering I've only been saving for a month or two) and it all went down the shitter because chloe got incredibly sick for a week and I had to pay everything off. Then -I- got incredibly sick, and whooop! down the shitter we go!

The house needs a lot of work, too. There's little things around here that I could throw $30-$40 at and fix, but I don't have the money to do it. I just don't have enough goddamn money or time.

I know once things stabilize, I'll be OK. I'm not sick anymore, and I can start saving. I can start watching our bank account like a hawk again, and scrutinize every penny. I can build our money back up, and I can get us into a decent spot again, and not worry so much about everything. I can afford luxury items and be relatively well off, I just need to get my feet back on the ground and stop sucking in all this ******** water.





 
 
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