We finally broke up on the 21st of February.
I really wonder is it really me being me that he doesn't like...
or it is because of his family.
I don't know. I want an answer. I want an answer that can at least make me connect all the dots I have now. I rather he told me he never loved me, but he always have feelings for someone else. I rather he told me that all the things he'd told me are lies. I rather he told me he hates everything about me. I don't want the reasons to be because of his family -- it was inevitable for me to be with Michael. I really hope he understands me. I really hope he actually knows that I would more than willing to walk this through with him. I really love this guy. I don't know how he is without me, probably he is more relief now -- less stress, less tensions, and less problems. I wanted to fix things. Even up to this point, I still want to fix it. I really do. But, can I? Can I really? He told me he loves me. He calls me "hon". He wanted to make a five-year deal with me, but I rejected because I'm scared. I am, very scared. Very very scared.
Why does this always happen to me. Why?
I want him to be my last guy. I want him to become my husband. I want to do all of these things with him, and I was selfish enough to think -- I never want him to get over me. I don't want him to get over me.
So Please, don't get over me, Hon.
If that's the only thing I can ever ask for, then this will be it. Don't ever get over me.
I love you, J.R.R.